Fleet Marine Life #75 – Hypocrite

2011-08-17-fleetmarinelife75 - Hypocrite

I knew a Marine in my platoon who drove slightly buzzed into the base entrance. He smelled like alcohol and was given a sobriety test. He passed that. But he failed the breathalyzer with a less than 1 percent blood to alcohol level.

We get a safety brief every Friday telling us not to drink and drive and all that crap. But they failed to mention that even the slightest bit of alcohol in your system will get you a DUI on base.

That Marine felt fine, almost unaffected. Even then, driving shortly after drinking at least one beer is a bad decision no matter how good you feel. He did it anyways, got caught, got NJP’d and then busted down to Private First Class.

A few months later, a Staff NCO in our company gets a DUI and it gets swept under the rug. It’s a double standard! I guess it’s different spanks for different ranks. What ever happened to setting the example? A lot of my SNCOs had that “do what I say, not what I do” mentality. Like my Sergeant who yelled at his junior Marines because they were fat. That Sergeant had man titties! I’m talking about the kind where you have to physically lift them up and wipe all the debris that was trapped underneath. It’s fucking hypocrisy.

There’s many examples of hypocrisy in the Corps that I can point out. Just to name a few off the top of my head:

* My old Gunnery Sergeant had an affair with his female Lance Corporal.
* At least half my NCOs had sex with that same female Lance Corporal.
* My Sergeants would always say, “Junior Marines first” but then they were always taking care of themselves first to pretty much everything (chow, awards, comfort, billets, etc).
* A Sergeant of mine criticized me of being a terrible NCO when he couldn’t even pass a PFT. He was also drunk as he yelled this to me.
* That same Sergeant tried to sexually assault a female Marine a few weeks later.

It’s not easy and it’s not hard to “set the example”. It doesn’t take too much effort. But apparently, “setting the example” is not worth the slightest of hardship it would bring to my “leaders.”

Hypocrisy since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #74 – Key to Success

2011-08-15-fleetmarinelife74 - Key to Success

“The key to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.”

I’ve had the displeasure of working with some of the shittest Staff NCOs ever. Not all of them are bad but most of them are. And the only good SNCOs aren’t even in my section. I remember this one SSGT who kind of looked like Doug Heffernan from King of Queens except he wasn’t fat. He was in another section and I was listening to him lecturing a Corporal on how certain things work in the Marine Corps. I was thinking to myself, “This is the kind of stuff I should know.” But at that time, I had very little time in the Corps and the stuff he was teaching was going to be no longer relevant. Never has a SNCO lecture me on anything useful.

I then realized that this SSGT coming to replace us spent more time in our work area in one week than all our original Staff NCOs have in the entire deployment (6 months). This is fucking sad.

In Afghanistan, my Gunnery Sergeant’s job was to wake up and think of random ass rules to make our lives shittier than they were. My Staff Sergeant’s job was to punch numbers into a computer.

One day, our Staff Sergeant tried to help some other section out and needed our assistance. He needed our assistance because he didn’t know how to do our job. He “worked” for a few minutes and then said he had to go get something. He disappeared for the rest of the day while we figured everything out.

How is the guy in charge of us this ignorant? I’ll tell you why. It’s because these kind of people volunteer themselves for all the easy cushy jobs all throughout their career. It’s usually that office job where you hang out in the office with the higher ups and punch numbers all day and get high proficiency and high conduct marks for it.

Never will they volunteer for a job that will cause any hardship. Eventually this is all they know throughout their career. How to punch numbers into a fucking computer and work the system to advance through the ranks. As a SNCO, they end up without any usable knowledge to pass on to their junior Marines. They don’t even know how to do their Military Occupational Specialty (MOS)! To hide this weakness, they talk themselves up a lot and refuse to answer any question regarding their own MOS. They talk the talk but they don’t walk the walk.

So, for every operation, they rely on their junior Marines to “figure it out.” Sure, they’ll make some mistakes along the way but in the end, they usually succeed beyond anyone’s wildest guess. These junior Marines, who take up good challenges, end up becoming the most successful in their MOS career. Usually, after the end of every operation, these Staff NCOs, swoop in, take all the credit and fucking bounce to another unit.

Being scapegoats since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #73 – Free Medical

2011-08-14-fleetmarinelife73 - Free Medical

Free medical isn’t really free in the Corps. Of course the tax payers pay for it so you don’t. In the Marine Corps, medical isn’t exactly top notch. You have to go to these Corpsmen who aren’t exactly college degree holding professional doctors. You can’t pick and choose the docs/doctors that you want to go to unless you want to go out of town and spend money that you don’t have.

The taxpayers pay for these Corpsmen (docs) and doctors. The government doesn’t want to spend too much money so this causes them to not have the adequate amount of medical facilities or doctors to account for the growing amount of patients. This socialist type of medical care doesn’t allow Marines to get proper care when they need it. My friend, Dan, had to get an appointment in order to get an appointment. How inefficient is that?

Dental was always booked for months. It took me almost 2 years in the Corps to get the surgery to remove my bottom 2 wisdom teeth. But on the road to getting that surgery, my appointments were always booked 2-3 months into the future and then they always get mysteriously cancelled due to “unforeseen reasons”. ALWAYS with these fucking mysterious cancellations! My fellow Marine told me that I should just lie and tell them that my mouth hurts like hell because apparently, lying or dying is the only way to get an appointment.

I remember one day my corpsman gave me some weird tasting cough drops to help me stop coughing so I can go to sleep. It worked and I fell asleep but then the next morning I woke up throwing up neon yellow puke for almost an hour. After that wonderful experience, I just started carrying my own personal medical supplies. Is it really the Docs fault that they were given shitty low-cost medicine by the government?

Some Corpsmen don’t even get medical supplies. Some of them have to buy all their own shit from the PX.

Getting an appointment to get an appointment since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #72 – Movie Night

2011-08-12-fleetmarinelife72 - Movie Night

Pink Flamingos is quite possibly the most outrageously disturbing movie I have ever seen.


If you want a different type of comedy, watch this movie.

The Marine Corps twists Marines minds to be more different and more resistant to what is strange. This could be the by-product of training for war or excessive boredom.

In Okinawa, there were two dogs barking outside my barracks. I looked out the window and saw two dogs tearing up the shit out of this dying cat. Other Marines heard this too and opened their windows to see this sight. A lot of Marines starting screaming, “Get some!” and “Yeahh!!! Ooraaah!!!” A car came by and scared the dogs off. My buddy who was right next to me said he was going downstairs to check it out. He went downstairs to execute a perfect text-book MCMAP vertical heel stomp on the cat’s head. Everyone cheered even more. I couldn’t stop laughing. He then turned his head toward my window and yelled, “I THINK IT’S DEAD!”

Whenever Male Marines are left alone for long periods of time with no women, a lot of Marines do a bunch of border-line homosexual shit. No one’s gay, I think, but everyone acts like it. I guess it helps pass the time.

Marines are not normal mentally.

On a side note, check out this poll that Fox News put out after the GOP presidential Debate.


I am glad to see that Ron Paul is winning by a landslide. I’ve been following him since 2008 and I am surprised that many people have finally woken up and realized that he is the only man who works for the American People. Back then, they regarded him as a crazy man and it was only a dream to see him become a US president.

He understands the problems that this country is facing and isn’t afraid to address these problems. He’s one of the only men who has accurately predicted many of the crises that we are in today.


His stance is that of liberty, prosperity and freedom. His stance has been consistent for decades throughout his career.

Here are some highlights of Ron Paul in the recent GOP debate. If you don’t vote for Ron Paul, you’re voting for the Status Quo.


Not normal mentally since 1775.

I’m curious to see what you all would do to fix this organization (other than disband it)?

As an NCO, my job is to enhance the effectiveness of the Marine Corps. However, I don’t see that happening when the following aren’t fixed:
1. Boot Camp (DIs and SDIs) needs to be able to weed people out more. I’m not talking about letting DIs abuse recruits. There are recruits who get through boot camp who has no business being a Marine. Some even want to drop out. Instead of discharging them and USMC decides to ‘punish’ them by recycling them, over and over, and over again even though it’s clear that they don’t want to be there. Guess what? You have to waste money and manpower going to a recruit or Marine that doesn’t want to be there and is gonna be liabilities later on. What are they? Well you see them mentioned here: buddy fuckers, they become bad leaders, incompetent Marines, mass punishments, etc. It doesn’t take much to see this compounds. Forcing them to go through by recycling isn’t doing anything. If you can’t handle 3 months of boot, what makes you think you can hack SOI, the operating forces or deployment? This is coming from my experiences and my conversation with a former Marine DI and recruiter. What kind of elite unit keeps undesirables who don’t even want to be in around? I do give some credit to some recruiters and Marines on RA who help poolees prepare for boot which contributed somewhat to lowering failure rates in boot camp.
2. Let Marines (active duty) choose their MOS- not just the field. I don’t get how the Marines generally wait until after boot camp to tell new Marines what their ‘exact’ MOS is and the reason for it is ‘the demands of the Marine Corps.’ This is an example of piss poor personnel management. While working Recruiters Assistance, I have seen several people turned away because they are not guaranteed to choose the exact MOS who had the potential to benefit the Marines.
3. Less advertisement. I swear I’m in an organization with attention whores. And you don’t even have to see the commercials (ie Katy Perry music video). If we are elite and cut down on the stupid BS by 25%, people will flock to join.

I’m curious to see what you all would do to fix this organization (other than disband it)?

Submitted by: dee dee dee

Fleet Marine Life #71 – New MCO

2011-08-09-fleetmarinelife71 - New MCO

There’s a lot of things many Marines don’t know about. If you’re a Marine, you should know about the old man PFT. But what about an older man PFT and one that’s for even older Marines? Well those exist. Take a look at these charts below ripped from their current orders.






PFT Bare Minimum and Age Groups








CFT Bare Minimum and Age Groups


It kind of feels like those really crusty old men with a lot of rank on their collar just wanted a way to stay in longer without actually having to put more effort into their physical self. Staying in longer means a higher retirement pay. I know, I understand that once you reach a certain age, your body just starts going downhill whether you like it or not and we need these experienced old men. It’s not like they move around much anyways.

Also, look at the female standards and compare them to the male standards.

I’ve heard a lot of times from female Marines that they got a higher PFT score than me even though I ran faster. I mean, what is up with that? I know the Marine Corps is trying to be full of equal opportunities for everyone but by lowering the standards, they’re not helping the Marine Corps. If people can’t meet the standards, don’t let them in. If they can, let them in. It should be that simple.

I found this order, MCO 6100.13 Physical Fitness Program interesting. Not too many people read these Marine Corps Orders. It’s not like many Marine care but as a Marine you should know how to work the system so that the system doesn’t work you. SNCOs feed off your ignorance. These orders are straight from the Commandant of the Marine Corps (CMC) so it’s not like too many people can argue with that unless the order states otherwise.

Like for one thing, if you have certain medical problems and you need to do the PFT, you can qualify to do a partial PFT. In this event, you would do the two events out of three and pass them along with getting a 3rd class PFT score from those 2 events. If you fail, you fail. If you pass, your command will use the score achieved during the last PFT for the event missed.

If you’re a Marine, just look through the list of Marine Corps Orders on the Marines.mil website, see what is interesting and read them. Here is a link for both a list of MCOs and MCO Ps.



Running bare minimum PFTs since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #70 – Pension

2011-08-07-fleetmarinelife70 - Pension


The Pentagon is currently thinking about changing the current retirement system. If this goes through then 20 years of service won’t set you for life with a very generous amount of money every month. Instead, they’re thinking about turning it into some sort of corporate-style pension. This is supposed to save them $400 billion.

Hell, the current retirement system is basically the only reason I would ever stay in the Marine Corps.

Here’s the link below for the military retirement pay calculator. Try it out and discover the madness.



In recent news, 31 Americans were killed when members of the Taliban shot down their helicopter. I’ve first read this in an article on the internet. The next day, I would see it on television. And I’ve realized that the mass media hardly report anything on who has died or what is happening in Iraq or Afghanistan. It bothers me to my core. Not one dead body shown on television. I doubt Americans still know that we’re still in those countries. I wonder why we’re still in Afghanistan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p12cAclNCRU (October 27, 2007)

Remember that promise that Obama made about troop withdrawal. Watch this now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk2TXhzEX1g (December 2, 2009)

It’s all just more of the same. No real change. We’re continuing down this road with no end in sight. This nation has lost enough men, money and resources to this black hole called the Global War on Terror. How do you even fight something like that? Who are the “terrorists?” The Patriot Act renewed by Obama says that we, the Americans, can be targeted and labeled as “terrorists.” This is highly disturbing to me. How did this man even win the Nobel Peace prize? It’s ironic! A man who supports war wins the Nobel PEACE prize. I guess it’s easy to wage war when you don’t have to fight in it.

When will this all end? Like history as told time and time again, the oppressed usually rise up and break down the current system and in its place, put in a new one for better or worse.

Also, in other news, Standard & Poor has downgraded US Debt from AAA to AA+. I expected something like this. I am surprised that they didn’t do it earlier. And honestly, they haven’t downgraded enough. The US government has an addiction to spending on everything and they have no solution to stop it. I have a solution. STOP SPENDING SO FUCKING MUCH.

Getting paid to do nothing for life since 1779.

Fleet Marine Life #69 – Do Me A Solid

2011-08-04-fleetmarinelife69 - Do Me A Solid

A lot of Marines ask me for favors. They know I got the right ingredients for their turtle soup or what not. And most of the time, I help them. I believe that “Semper Fi” shouldn’t just be empty words that mean always faithful. It’s a good motto but most times, many Marines aren’t faithful. They lack integrity and integrity is what I believe to be the most important value. It is the one value which all values are based on. A person who isn’t a man of his word simply isn’t much of a man.

How can you do business with a man if you know he’s a liar? Would you? I know I wouldn’t. Some people never change. Thieves steal, killers kill, liars lie, etc. Released sex offenders have a tendency to just going back to committing sex crimes.

I’ve always tried to live my life with integrity. That means doing the right thing. Sometimes it’s easy to cross the line and lie but then it’s not easy to step back. In the Marine Corps, Honor, Courage and Commitment are ingrained into every Marine at boot camp. Marines can choose whether or not to accept these core values.

It just sickens me whenever I put my trust out to my fellow Marines and they stab me in the back to get ahead in life. I’m nothing more than a scapegoat for a Sergeant or someone with money to another Marine. Every new unit, I come to the belief that it is a new beginning but I quickly learn that nothing is different. I lose faith in the Corps and in humanity.

If a Marine asks for your help, and his life isn’t in danger, just don’t help him. If he needs to borrow your CIF gear, or your money or he needs your time to stand for his duty while he “does something important”, do not do it. I know in your heart, you believe that you’re helping him but you’re only fueling his need to be dependent on others. Until you close that door, that Marine will know you’ll always be there to get him out of every single bind and most times it’s for something stupid.

In Okinawa, a Corporal got a call from his two junior Marines. They were drinking underage and were about to break the midnight libo curfew. This Corporal wanted to help his junior Marines not get NJP’d for underage drinking and staying beyond the curfew. So he trusted them. He falsely signed them into the liberty logbook and told them to “stay the fuck off base.” Simple right? Except one of those drunks told a taxi driver to go on base. He gets caught and all three of them gets NJP’d.

Most of the time, these Marines put themselves in a shitty situation. They become desperate to fix it immediately even if they have to break their integrity.

“I’ll get you back”

Those words, I hear often whenever I help people but whenever I need a small favor that doesn’t take up much of their time, I am told, “I am too busy.” or “Sorry, I can’t help you.” I mean, why do I even bother asking for help. I learn to be as self-reliant as possible because I realized that in the Corps, you can’t trust most Marines to look out for you. You can only truly connect with a few Marines.

On a side note, I just want to say that what Washington is doing right now is down right dangerous. They can raise the debt ceiling all they want but it’s not going to solve anything in the long run. What our government doesn’t understand is that borrowing more money is not going to fix our deficit and debt. They are borrowing our future.

What will solve it is a fix in the monetary policy, an environment that encourages a free market, lower all taxes for everyone, end the wars, the removal of the Federal Reserve Bank, a fix in our aggressive foreign policy, a fix in our ponzi-scheme-like social security system, a fix in all our welfare system and a fix in our spending problem. Those are just a few solutions. Yet, our politicians will not talk about them. They believe they can pass laws that defy the laws of basic mathematics and economics. Zero money means zero money as in not good. Printing more money without an increase in the supply of goods will only cause inflation. These politicians are all cowards, afraid to do what is necessary and right and remove or cut anything in fear of protesters.

These politicians rake in 6 figure salaries yet the first pay checks they want to cut are the men and women who serve our country and fight and die in foreign countries where our coward politicians sent them.

Remember Vice President Dick Cheney? He’s what you call a chicken hawk, a politician who supports war yet has actively dodged military service. He dodged the draft to Vietnam five times at the height of the war because he felt he had “better things to do”. He supported the war in Iraq that we have today. He was also the chairman and CEO of Halliburton, a private contractor for the 2003 Iraq war. You remember all of that.

There is only one politician that stands above the rest. His name is Ron Paul. He doesn’t just dodge the issues or provide answers that have no real meaning. The controlled media obscures his name because all the other status-quo politicians are afraid of him. You can view his messages of personal liberty and fiscal responsibility on Youtube.com. He will offer reasonable and logical solutions that our politicians will not even dare mention.

Lastly, we’ve reached over 20,000 hits.

Buddy fucked since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #68 – The USMC Way

2011-08-02-fleetmarinelife68 - The USMC Way

There are several ways of doing things in the Corps. The right way, the wrong way and then the USMC way. The USMC way is a way where you simply appear to accomplish the mission regardless of whether or not it was done correctly or not. Junior Marines take the USMC way more times than you think. Marines may not do things the “right” way to accomplish the mission but thanks to higher ups either being ignornant or willingly ignorant (blind eye), no really cares.

The comic above is a true story. My buddy’s platoon was tasked with taking down a lot of tents. Their libo was on the line. And when that shit is on the line, shit gets real. Doing the mission the right way (Moral way) was too time consuming. Many hours of libo would have been cast away like a carton of spoiled milk. Of course, his platoon universally decided to take the USMC way. They got a TRAM to run over all these tents and then drag these flattened, pancake-like tents to DRMO (A place where broken shit goes and gets fixed or whatever).

The tents were taken down and the officers didn’t really care. No one really paid for it except the taxpayers. Oh, well.

Doing shit the wrong way and then making it look right for liberty since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #67 – Supplied

2011-08-01-fleetmarinelife67 - Supplied

A supply cat told me how the supply system works. Every unit is given a certain amount of money to spend during a certain period of time. If they don’t use all of that amount then the next year, they get less money to spend. So this encourages them to spend on such luxuries like expensive watches and deployment bags for all SNCOs and Officers. This is one of the many ways the USMC pisses away taxpayer money.

A SSGT, one of the only few that actually taught us shit, told us more about the supply system. If you order too much, you’re probably not going to get your order. Supply will receive their junk and then then distribute it to as many people as possible. Whatever they have left over, they put aside for large orders. This cycle will repeat until the large orders can be met and then you’ll receive your crap. So it’s recommended to just order the absolute bare minimum amount of whatever you need from supply.

In Afghanistan, I talked to my Gunny about getting us some basic supplies for the operation. 6 months later, we never received them. Since we really needed it during the operation, I just bought the supplies with my own money. $300 worth. Thank you, USMC supply, you inefficient piece of crap. Can’t even get me a pack of pens or a roll of duct tape.

Also, if you haven’t checked the “A Few Good Links” section, then do so. It’s good for a laugh. If you want to write me something, email me at k@fleetmarinelife.com. I’ll be sure to keep it anonymous.

Unsupplied since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #66 – Read This

2011-07-30-fleetmarinelife66 - Read This

When I used to be on the MEU, I enjoyed reading the liberty orders that our commanders would force us all to read. It was amusing to find such things as:

Do not box kangaroos.
Do not wrestle crocodiles.
Do not buy a firearm.
Do not get a tattoo.
Do not swim in open bodies of water. This includes oceans, lakes, rivers and streams.
Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
Do not purchase a prostitute.
Do not buy a taser.
Do not buy a monkey.
Alcohol Limit. Overdrinking = NJP.
Liberty Buddies.

And of course, everyone did all of the above. They just never got caught.

I wish I kept one order document because they were about 20-30 pages long and filled with amusing orders. You may think that the commander may have had some whim one day and implemented a bunch of shit orders that Marines can’t do like it’s “A Sound of Thunder” and any minor action the Marines take will drastically alter the future of humanity itself. But no. The only reason why they do this is because some Marine, most likely drunk, did some stupid shit and commanders would have to write it into the liberty order.

Would you be able to tell a Marine’s parents that their son died at the hands of a kangaroo? I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.

The MEU cycle before my MEU cycle had a guy who brought a monkey on their ship. The SNCO found out and ordered that person to get rid of it. He threw the monkey overboard.

A buddy told me this story below that took place in Thailand.

Marine 1 : Oh god, oh god. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Marine 2 : What’s wrong?
Marine 1 : I went out with this woman and went down on her and found out she was a man. I beat the shit out of her… or him? OH GOD. I DON’T KNOW!
Marine 2 : Was she alive when you left?
Marine 1 : She wasn’t moving when I left!
Marine 2 : We’re fucked.

What if you do get caught? If you know that you can get away with it, you have to LIE, LIE and LIE some more. Your command probably doesn’t give a shit about you. They probably don’t care about what you did for them. They would rather make an example out of you and make you lose rank over something as minor as buying a taser. Sometimes they lie to you so that you tell the truth.

Just remember that visiting foreign countries as a Marine will not allow you to experience it fully as a normal person would.

Getting absurd liberty orders since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #65 – Faces of BCP

2011-07-29-fleetmarinelife65 - Faces of BCP

According to Marine Corps Order (MCO) 6110.3 W/Ch 1 (Aug 8, 2008) : Marine Corps Body Composition and Military Appearance Program (MCBCMAP), the Commandant of the Marine Corps (CMC) talks about how every Marine has to comply with certain height and weight standards and present a “suitable military appearance.”

He goes on to say, “Marines who exceed weight and body fat standards are a detriment and detract from the combat readiness of their unit. Furthermore, it can generally be considered that a Marine who meets established height, weight, body composition, grooming and uniform standards will present a suitable military appearance. The presentation of an unsuitable military appearance is inconsistent with the Marine Corps leadership principle of setting the example. Simply put, Marines who do not present a suitable military appearance fail to possess the qualities necessary to effectively lead marines.”

Basically, you can run a 300 PFT, 300 CFT, win rifle competitions, deploy multiple times to all the corners of the globe, have a thousand MCIs done, taken every knowledge course taken known in the Marine Corps but… if you don’t have a “suitable military appearance”, then you aren’t a leader. What exactly is a “suitable military apperance”? In this document, it doesn’t define it at all. This means that your douchebag SNCO can define it to be whatever he wants it to be. He can pick and choose whoever he wants to fuck with. Failure to follow this means your career goes downhill fast (promotions, special assignments, retention, paperwork, etc).

I knew a guy in my company that looked like he ran a 300 PFT and he did. He was so muscular that you’d have to ask him if he took steroids. He was put on the Body Conditioning Program, which was meant for fat people. This man was able to pass every physical test thrown at him but since he didn’t meet height and weight standards, he had to be put in the fat body program. The Marine Corps took a good, functional Marine and degraded him into something undesirable. Now, if you’re like this guy, you can get a waiver if you exceed the height/ weight standard but you need a commander/ OIC who possess special courts-martial convening authority. Of course, your SNCO will never tell you this. So the most part, you’re pretty fucked unless you request mast and you know you are in the right.

This order shows that the Marine Corps has been reduced to nothing more than a rigged beauty pageant where the judges play favorities.

The only except to this is if you are pregnant or have some sort of medical problem (weight-gaining disease, broken bones, etc).

Fun fact: If you fail to meet the height and weight standards by weighing too little, you get sent a doctor and a nutritionist.

Looking pretty since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #64 – Travel Claim

2011-07-28-fleetmarinelife64 - Travel Claim

I got like 20 bucks for a $340 plane ticket from California to New York. This was my EAS flight. I don’t think any human being can make it from California to New York with $20. It would be like Fallout 3 where you drink out of toilets, eat radioactive lizards and fight off people who would kill you for said $20. I don’t understand the amount of mathematics that went into finding the solution for this equation but I’m pretty sure they’re off by a zero

If you handle the US Marine Corps travel claims…

Fuck you.

That is all.

Getting below minimum compensation for our travel back home since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #63 – Government Issue

2011-07-27-fleetmarinelife63 - Government Issue

Before my platoon’s fun little trip of Afghanistan, we had to go to the armory for our shit. For my deployment, they issued me my rifle, one tooth brush and two rifle magazines. I was in shock! Was this it?

He told me to borrow, steal or buy everything else. Reluctantly, I borrowed 4 rifle magazines, and returned them after the deployment, bought a rifle grip, bought a rifle sling and bought a rifle cleaning gear set for a grand total of around $75. Fuck, man! That’s 10% of my paycheck going to buying shit the government should naturally issue you for a war! That’s money I could have used to drink away my problems! I blacked out on a $5 bottle of alcohol (It was on sale)! That’s 15 worry-free weekends I could have had! But, no. Uncle Sam’s got to fuck me over once again with his big fat flopping green weenie.

These issued items are non-perishable (except the CLP) which means you can use them for years and years. So I know that they don’t just disintegrate in the armory.

I know my armory had a metric fuckton of rifle magazines but since they keep poor track of them, you end up with Marines with 10-20 rifle magazines, 3-5 rifle slings and 2-3 rifle cleaning gear sets in their closets. Lending is not a hard practice but apparently to the Marine Corps, it is.

Getting issued one toothbrush from the unit armory to fight in wars since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #62 – A General Day

2011-07-26-fleetmarinelife62 - A General Day

As a 1-star General, Marines will bend over backwards to please them. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to work for a General. I image it to be something like slavery where you have to follow whatever whims he may have. Just like the rest of the Marine Corps.

I remember in Okinawa, my higher ups would tell everyone that a General (no one knows who) is coming down to inspect our barracks on Friday. Then they would proceed to tell us that if we fail the inspection then we’re going to have to “stand by.” So this would cause us to field day our barracks for half the day on Thursday, sleep for like 3 hours and then field day for another 3 hours until it’s time for us to go to work. Word was passed later that we passed field day. I asked my buddy about the General and he replied, “The General never came through.” This happened a few times in my short career. The General never shows up or if he does, he only checks one room. Fucking Generals. I bet they do that shit on purpose for a laugh.

Getting fucked over by imaginary Generals since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #61 – Okitraz

2011-07-25-fleetmarinelife61 - Okitraz

Okinawa was my first duty station. I quickly began to regret my choice. I was surrounded by alcoholics 24/7 and there was no escape. Everyone would often get in trouble for shit they did.

There were several times when I would get a knock on my door from a felllow NCO on a saturday morning because “something happened.”

One time, my fellow NCO told me that everyone has to go to the battalion CP for a formation because the battalion Gunny was asking for it. No one would ever know anything else. 30 minutes later, the battalion is standing in formation and getting our asses chewed by the battalion Gunny because we’re not looking out for each other and we’re all shitbags for it.

It turns out that there was a Marine, in my battalion, who got drunk, went on to the roof of a Japanese bar and started peeing. He was arrested for indecent exposure. I’ve seen different levels of drunk in the Marine Corps. There’s tipsy-level drunk, can’t-stand-level drunk, throw-up-level drunk, black-out-level drunk and then watching-yourself-do-shit-but-you-can’t-control-your-body-like-you’re-watching-a-bad-movie-level drunk, the ultimate level. He was at the black-out-level. He told me he didn’t remember shit and that he woke up in a Japanese jail.

Anyways, the Gunny took away everyone’s liberty. No one knew the guy in jail because he worked in the CP of our battalion.

My old Sergeant told me a story about a time when he was at the ultimate level of drunkness. After drinking, he went back to his barracks room to sleep, turned on his lights and found a girl in his bed. He woke her up and said, “What are you doing in my bed?” She screamed and then said, “This isn’t your room. Let me escort you to your room.” He was in the right room but wrong floor. She escorted him to his room, he went to bed and that was that. Except, the MPs starting busting down his door and took him away on the accusation of sexual assault.

His legal battle ended up dragging on for months preventing him from doing anything. The girl even testified on his behalf that NOTHING HAPPENED. But the military judicial system is so hell bent on sending an innocent man to the brig that they are blinded by the truth. But there was a happy ending to this story. He ended up winning and getting all that backed up pay and a promotion.

I remember on my first day of duty in Okinawa, the Duty NCO was attacked by the platoon drunkard. The next day, my platoon was crammed into the 4th deck lobby on a saturday morning to discuss about what happened. Another day, I remember this same man being dragged up the stairs by 4 Marines.

My old platoon Sergeant was a raging alcoholic who would often come to work drunk. I remember during one field day, my platoon NCOs and my battalion Gunnery Sergeant was in his room. The drunk was arguing about how the Gunny judges field day. It became a huge arguement and then eventually the Gunny said, “I’m done. I’m leaving.” Everyone left after him one by one muttering things like, “Fuck, man. He needs to go back to SACO.” He told me that I did a good job looking over field day. As I walked out, I saw him hock a giant loogie on to the carpeted floor, push down his secretary, throw his shit across the room and then curl into the fetal position and cry.

Anyways, one thing I will miss about Okinawa is Coco Ichibanya Curry House. Recently, they opened up a Coco’s Curry house in Torrance, California. The first CoCos on mainland USA and it was amazing! I highly recommend CoCo’s Curry to anyone near that area.

Excessive alcoholism since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #60 – BBQ

2011-07-24-fleetmarinelife60 - BBQ

I remember I was in Okinawa when I first fell for the old “free barbecue trick.” There’s always some poor bastard that ends up on duty without a replacement because someone with some weight on their collar fucked up something as simple as a duty roster. And this happens more than you think.

After this little incident, I just stopped answering my door. It has helped me dodge more duty than the kid who got NJP’d seven times (Once for biting an MP dog). If you live in the barracks, never answer your door unless you know the guy. Because behind that door, lies a Marine trying to pass off his duty to you or a Marine trying to sell you some shit like lawyer insurance.

Getting tricked into surprise duty since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #59 – Doctor NCO

2011-07-23-fleetmarinelife59 - Doctor NCO

This comic was based off a Corporal I’ve served with.

He was a 6′ 4″, 240 pound black guy. He was a good, tough Corporal that did things his way and because of that, he would often get in trouble. He was the most motarded Marine that I have served with. When I played Soul Calibur 4 with him, his character was scarlet red and gold. The game provides you with millions of character choices so you know this wasn’t an accident. He sings cadence where ever he goes. He talks about drill 24/7.

Here are some quotes from him.

Me : Hey… There’s all these signs in front of this door that says “DO NOT ENTER. SECRET CLEARANCE REQUIRED.”
Him : Bitch! Get out of my way! Shoo, fly, shoo.

Him : We can do this the easy way… *pats hand with baseball bat* or the hard way…

Him : Let me have a piece of that sandwich.
Me : No.
Him : I wasn’t asking.

Him : Three words, K. Big. Booty. Bitches.

Him : It would behoove of you.

Him : Hey there, yoo-hoo!

Me : What are you doing this weekend?
Him : 40′s and hoes.

Him : Bullllllllshit!

Him : Waaaah! Want me to call the wambulance?

Him : Do you know what this is between my fingers?
Marine : No…
Him : It’s the world’s smallest violin.

Him : I can’t wait until I get to Parris Island so that I can put some pain and discipline into recruit’s little bodies.


Anyways, he’s still in the Marine Corps so if you see anyone who is like this, just know that you have met… THE MOST MOTIVATED NCO EVER.

Being prescribed a bottle of “suck it the fuck up” and then going to the hospital a few days later because Doctor NCO ended up misdiagnosing us since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #58 – Eyedrops

2011-07-21-fleetmarinelife58 - Eyedrops

The comic above is a true story. I knew that Navy doc (Corpsman). He looked and talked like the sloth from the Ice Age Movie. He was fairly apathetic toward everyone’s problems.

SSGT : Doc, we need you! This one guy has some shit in his eye.
Doc : Well… What do you want me to do?
SSGT : You’re the fucking doc!

I remember I had this sudden fever one day. I felt dizzy and I could barely walk and my body felt cold. I was scared that I might have Malaria because I never took those weird blue pills that were issued to me. Why? Because the government has a fun history of using US soldiers as guinea pigs.


I tried waking him up to check out my fever. He wouldn’t wake up so I just passed out on the floor next to him in the GP tent. I knew he was pretending to sleep so that he didn’t have to check me out. I woke up still feeling like shit. I stumbled everywhere until I found him. He took my temperature and read the theromometer as 100 degrees Fareinheit. Normal human body temperature is 98.6.  He told me to stop being a bitch and gave me some Motrin. Always with the Motrin. I still felt like shit for the rest of the day.

Getting permanent lazy eyes since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #57 – Pile of Shit

2011-07-18-fleetmarinelife57 - Pile of Shit

My good buddy Dan once gave me an analogy that joining the Marine Corps is like rolling in a pile of shit. I asked him how.

He said, “Well, I mean. You were the first guy we all knew who joined the Marine Corps. Shortly there after, your brother joined, then me and then our friend and then our other friend and then two of our other friends after him. We all thought it was all cool. After you jumped into the pile of shit, everyone just kind of dove in and rolled around with you thinking it was fun.

But then after a year or two, everyone realized that… ‘Hey! Wait a minute! We’re all rolling in a pile of shit!’ Of course, now we’re all trying to get out of the Marine Corps or ‘the pile of shit’.”

This analogy is very true. Now, all my buddies are trying to get out of the Corps by using VEERP, stacking terminal leave on top of that and all that shit!

I could have EAS’d two months earlier but my company prevented me from doing so by lying to me and by making me do a bunch of shit that was “essential to the company.” My company was trying to prevent everyone from checking out and VEERPing out. Everyone who could VEERP (Early EAS), actually tried to used the full 90 days of their VEERP because they all universally hated my company. The only things that my higher ups could think about were field day on saturdays and what they can do to make themselves look good. Troop welfare was virtually non-existant.

One fellow NCO was so desperate to get out of my company using VEERP that when the Regiment Commanding Officer, a Colonel, was taking his time (3 weeks) signing his package, the NCO requested mast to our general. His package got signed REAL quick that day.

And the people that were VEERPing out were the good experienced NCOs. My Company Commander tried lying to me to prevent me from leaving. He said that you needed a reason to take VEERP or else you can’t use it.


According to the official link above, you don’t need a reason to leave. I told him that and he said he’ll check into it. If you qualify, you may push your EAS up to 90 days earlier. If you are trying to VEERP, read this three page order. The higher ups will attempt to use your ignorance against you and that was what my CO was trying to do. He was losing NCOs left and right to this MARADMIN. Fortunately, I was not ignorant because I read the three pages throughly. I got the VEERP approved and sold all of my terminal leave (which is automatically done when you leave the Corps).

Diving into shit since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #56 – Something Borrowed

2011-07-15-fleetmarinelife56 - Something Borrowed

I’ve lent a lot of Marines stuff like books, gear, money or video games. Usually when I lend Marines stuff, I would expect it back in nearly the same condition. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Most of the time, the stuff I would get back is either fucked up or lost and then the borrower usually says that he’ll make it up to me and then he deploys far away to la-la land.

I know that if I do someone dirty like that, I would try to correct the situation and not just pretend like nothing’s wrong. I’ve found out that in the Marine Corps, the borrowing/ return rate is not great. Universally throughout the Corps, if I lend a Marine something, there is a low chance that I would get it back unless I bug the shit out of that guy. Most of the time, lending things would come back to be an ABSOLUTE PAIN IN THE ASS.

One guy’s motto was, “If they don’t ask about it, then it’s mine. You know what I mean, K? HAHA!” I find this lack of morality in the Corps, both humorous and disturbing.

Here are some real life borrowing events that have happened to me:

* I lent my Marine neighbor a glow belt for one day and he lost it. He claimed that he opened my room door and threw the glowbelt in my room. I looked everywhere in my room and I never found it.

* I lent this Marine a book. It was nearly new and it came back to me with the front cover torn and duct taped back on. I told him to keep it as a gift. A year later, I asked him if he finished the 200 page book and he said he didn’t even get past 50 pages.

* I lent a Marine a book on Navy Seals in good condition. She returned it a week later with the book being completely water damaged.

* I lent another Marine a book on Marine Snipers and she lost it after a week.

* I lent a Marine a book on improving one’s memory. A week later, he got transferred to another company and then changed his phone number.

* I lent a Marine $20 for food. He tried to pay me back in weekly installments and in foreign currency. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for one guy, on guaranteed government paychecks, to pay me back $20.

* I lent my Marine roommate my phone for 3 weeks while I was away for a field op. I came back and he said that the neighbor had my phone. What the fuck? So I look around and found the guy who had my phone. A week later, my roommate changes units and disappears. Another week later, I get a phone bill for $120. My monthly cell phone bill is $15.

* I lent a Marine $320 on the condition that I hold onto his brand new IPAD and that he pay me a small interest fee. Two weeks later, he said he needed the IPAD back and I told him to pay me back. He offered to pay back $290 in cash. I told him that I had a problem with losing $30 for lending him money. He tried to convince me. He asked me, “How many people do you know can pull out $290 in cash?” and I replied, “ME!” He paid me back a week before I EAS’d which was a bummer because a $500 IPAD in good condition would have been pretty sweet.

* I lent a Marine some money and he wrote me a check before I flew back home for good. The check bounced.

After sometime in the Corps, I would just lie to people that I don’t have the things that they’re looking for.

If you’re still in the Marine Corps, don’t lend people shit! You will regret it if you do! JUST FUCKING LIE! LIE! LIE! AND LIE SOME MORE!

Lending Marines our shit and then having it destroyed since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #55 – Marriage Cycle

2011-07-13-fleetmarinelife55 - Marriage Cycle

It kills me whenever I see someone get a divorce and the military is full of them.

I hated living in the Barracks. Here are some of the reasons why: Field days, loudness, roommates, alcoholics, door bangers, fire alarms going off at 2 am in the morning about twice a month because of the alcoholics, depression, ghetto projects-like state of the barracks, sausage fest, surprise barracks duty and a number of other things.

I admit that I was tempted to get married to get out of the barracks. It’s easy. I would just go out to town and find a willing female to enter into a contract marriage so that I can collect that sweet Basic Allowance for housing, which is thousands for an apartment or house, and get COMRATS, so I don’t eat at the Chow Hall any more. Hell, I wouldn’t be the first Marine with the idea.


The downside to this plan is that, the woman that I would have known, for all of two weeks, could have cleaned out my bank account and I can’t do shit about it. Some women want to marry a military man mainly for their steady paychecks.


I watched the TV news report when it came out. She weighed a lot less than what she does now and sang like a siren. She stole these men’s hearts, stole their bank accounts, had some children with them and denies them access to them. Bobbi Ann Finley is a monster that deserves to die and burn in hell.

Anyways, If you just joined the military, PLEASE don’t get married. The military fucks up marriages. The military keeps their men away from their wives for long periods of times and it does damage. Usually this leads to infidelity on both sides. That then leads to divorce and divorce leads to you being broke as hell by the time you leave the military.

If you’re going to have a baby, please don’t.


Punch in some numbers into that “Cost of Raising a Child” calculator. Usually it’ll be above $250,000 over the cost of the child’s life. Along with that, you’ll have to spend valuable time taking care of the baby.

Getting divorced since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #54 – It’s Rigged

2011-07-09-fleetmarinelife54 - It's Rigged

From what I’ve seen, meritorious boards are done wrongly. Basically, the board revolves around a bunch of stupid non-job related questions and MCIs. Such questions like, “How many holes are in an MRE cracker? or “Who is the vice president of the United States” or “Why should you be meritoriously promoted?”

On the last question, one guy answered, “I shouldn’t.” He got his ass kicked out.

I swear some of these boards are rigged. The only ones who win seem to be minorities or females. To even get on these boards, you have to know someone. I mean like to the point where you’re buddy buddies with your bosses. I tried to work my way on a meritorious board but I couldn’t get any MCIs. Fortunately, we had a proctor in my company who could help us do MCIs. However, the guy who had the proctor key was always, “Too busy.” But I guess he wasn’t too busy giving away his proctor key to his buddies.

I knew a guy who got thrown into a meritorious Lance Corporal board a few hours prior to it. Of course, he fucking lost because the other guy had 2 MCIs. What kind of shit is this?

I knew a buddy of mine who had this one shitbag female Marine who was fat, annoying and lazy. Her platoon hated her, so they sent her off to work in the office. Time goes on and she gets put on a meritorious board. She wins the board but only because NO ONE ELSE WAS FUCKING ON IT!

When these boards come up, the higher ups put anyone on the board because not putting anyone on the board means that no one in their platoon is good.

Someone has to come out a winner in these boards. It doesn’t matter if a bunch of turdling shitbag Marines are thrown into the fray. Someone MUST win. It boils down to a competition of may the best turd win! That turd could be put in charge of you!

If people are promoted too early, then they won’t know what they’re doing. If I were to slap on Sergeant Major chevrons, would that give me all the knowledge of a Sergeant Major? What I’m saying is that these promotions boards should promote exceptional Marines and not just whoever happens to be around.

As for the female sleeping with the SNCO bit, it has happened to my command. We all knew about it and nobody did anything about it. Not even the company First Sereant. This Gunny would give this Marine special treatment. She would be able to watch Family Guy in the office during working hours. After work, the Company Gunnery Sergeant drove her from the company office to her barracks up hill. You may think that he’s a nice guy but as a male Marine, I have NEVER been offered a ride or dare to ask a SNCO for one. Of course there’s more examples like this but I’ll save it for later.

Are all females like this? Of course not. Let me ask you something. If the male to female population in the Marine Corps was reversed, would you be a man whore? I know I’d go up in rank… the easy way.

Anyways, here’s a Hooah Meritorious board video.

On a final note, a buddy of mine, who was a Marine, is finishing up his college degree so that he can become a US Marine Officer. I told him that he should go to the US Air Force so that he can pilot an A-10C Warthog. I also told him that the Marine Corps is going downhill like a kid on a wagon and there’s no brakes on that mother fucker. He said that he can change it and I told him that he couldn’t. Either way the choices are clear.

It’s either this…

or this…

He ended the conversation saying that he hates me. The struggle has just begun. Please comment and tell him not to re-enlist in the USMC.

P.S. The A-10 is exclusively flown by the US Air Force. You cannot pilot an A-10 in the US Marine Corps simply because the USMC does not own any. (Source)

Losing rigged meritorious boards since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #53 – Roommates

2011-07-02-fleetmarinelife53 - Roommates

Fuck, I hated having roommates. Whenever you get new roommates, it’s like you’re gambling. Except if you lose, you end up suffering for like half a year. You may get someone who’s smelly, annoying, loud, a Klepto, prone to trouble, financially in trouble, an alcoholic, messy or all of the above. And in the Marine Corps, you usually end up in trouble for not taking care of your significant other.

I remember one time my roommate came back into my room and he was drinking underage. So I did the right thing and wasted my time by making sure he didn’t get out of the room. An underage drinking charge is pretty much a guaranteed NJP and will fuck up one’s career for months. So I looked out for him even though I didn’t have to.

One time, I was roommates with this broke-dick Marine when he made this Skype call to his girlfriend. The conversation went like this…

Crying Girl : You’re not making this relationship work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want me to do…
Crying Girl : You should know!
Marine : I don’t know if you don’t tell me…
Crying Girl : You’re not trying to make this work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want…

This went on for 10 minutes and it was awkward as fuck. It was like one of those moments where you’re stuck and you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I leave? No wait… the conversation has got to end soon…” And then more time passes and you think to yourself, “It’s got to end soon… any minute now…” I told him that maybe it’s not meant to be and he said he was going to hit me. Whatever.

I hate living around Marines. They’re always fucking drunk and breaking shit that’s already broken. Like my bicycle that’s outside my door. Thank you, Marines. I really didn’t need to be able to change gears. In Okinawa, I would wake up at 2 AM in the morning because some drunk dumbass pulled the fire alarm. This shit usually happens twice a month. It’s funny at first but IT GETS OLD.

In California, I was given a room that had a roommate already in it. Or so they thought. I kept up the charade until I deployed. Those 3 months were the best 3 months of barracks life that I have ever experienced. Peace, quiet and space.

After the Marine Corps, I have vowed to never have roommates again. Period.

Getting shitty roommates since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #52 – I Deserved It

2011-06-26-fleetmarinelife52 - I Deserved It

Usually after every major operation, the one who does the least (E.G. Staff Sergeant Asshole McDouchebag) is rewarded the most (E.G. Navy Achievement Medal). Staff Non-Commissioned Officers have been in for quite a bit of time so of course they would know how to submit an award, usually a Navy Achievement Medal, and make sure it gets through. Most of the time, the junior Marines, the people who do all the fucking work, get jack shit. If they have half-decent higher ups, the junior Marines would at least get good proficiency and conduct marks and a letter of appreciation, the lowest form of a formal award.

When my platoon arrived in Afghanistan, my platoon was given a barely operational area. Six months later, that shit was running like clockwork. Of course, the knowledge and experience of Non-Comissioned Officers and senior Lance Corporals contributed mostly to the success of this mission. The Staff Non-Commissioned Officers contributed nothing. Ironically, they would hinder the capabilities of my already stretched platoon by putting in random rules based on whims that they would have. One day, we were ordered to work with our blouses because we needed to “look professional twenty-four seven.” Unfortunately for us, it was over 100+ degrees Fahrenheit. Another time, they said that Sergeants and above can’t drive and can only supervise the driver, who can only be a Corporal. I mean, what the fuck?

My Gunnery Sergeant flew to Kandahar to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and participate in Kandahar’s Salsa nights. I don’t fucking understand why there would be Salsa nights in an active war zone that gets mortared on a daily basis but then again this whole damn war doesn’t make any sense. Of course, my Gunnery Sergeant didn’t openly advertise that he would go to Kandahar on a regular basis to partake in the festivities over there. My buddy overheard the conversation between the SNCOs and he told me. I was disgusted.

My Staff NCOs lived well in their cushy areas with air-conditioning, plasma screen TVs with the Armed Forces network and a big refrigerator where they kept all their soda and food acquired from the chow hall. They also had computers with internet and phones that they used to call home.

I was pissed off at SSGT Asshole McDouchebag one day because he blamed me for something that someone else CLEARLY did. I told my platoon that SSGT McDouchebag was going to consolidate all our work into one award for himself.

SSGT McDouchebag called me into his office the next day and he said, “We are going to award everyone from the bottom up.” Little did I know, he was lying to my face.

When we got back to the states, my company had an award ceremony while everyone was on block leave. The only people in that award ceremony were the Sergeants, the Staff Sergeants and like 5 other people. Out of everyone in my platoon, the only people who got any awards were the Sergeants and Above. They all got Navy Achievement Medals for “hard work.”

The higher ups were questioned about the lack of awards for the lower downs. They told us that they’re working on it. 8 months later, 90% of everyone was transferred to new platoons and I EAS’d. No one even received a Letter of Appreciation.

The only thing we got from that operation were low proficiency and conduct marks, which are a HUGE part of getting promoted or not. We didn’t get a reason as to why we got low pro/con marks. They didn’t even tell us that we got them! A buddy told me that he checked his Marine Online account and just saw his low pro/con marks.

In the Marine Corps, it doesn’t matter how hard you work because your boss is going to steal all the credit and you won’t get shit.

Getting the short end of the stick since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #51 – Moto Room

2011-06-22-fleetmarinelife51 - Moto Room

I came back home on leave for the first time in 3 years. My room had about 2 moto posters. I frowned as I looked at them. I climbed up to my table and tore them off the wall and threw them in the garbage.

Hannabal commented:

“I didn’t just take my uniform off, I set it on fire and pissed on the smoldering embers.”

For those who just got out, I wouldn’t recommending burning your stuff. I mean, you could get recalled. The chances of getting recalled are low but they’re still there.

I’m out of the Marine Corps and I try not to tell people that I was in the Marine Corps. If I do tell people that I was a Marine then they would ask a few questions like, “Did you kill anyone?” and “What’s it like?” I don’t feel like telling people, “I killed a lot of spiders,” and “You clean until your fucking hands bleed.”

The Marine Corps is going to shit. All the good Marines are usually treated like shit. They cannot stand the insanity, stupidity and disorganization. Knowing that they have better options, they get the fuck out. Usually those good Marines consist of those who are physically well, knowledgeable and moral.

So the only ones left over in the Marine Corps are those who have no better option. Sometimes these Marines who re-enlist actually find something good. But most of the time, Marines re-enlist because they have a kid, they need money, they got it good in the Corps or possibly because they are afraid to get out.

I have a problem with Staff NCO’s and above. I don’t understand how any normal human being with any moral being can stay inside the Marine Corps for over two enlistments and not be disgusted enough to just leave. Do these SNCOs honestly convince themselves that they can change things? These SNCOs put up a motivated facade every day for their junior Marines but I bet that behind that mask, they are disgusted with themselves for re-enlisting. These SNCOs have been in the system for too long and the only thing keeping these old men going is probably that 20-year service retirement pay and not because of their “love for this job.” If you honestly think that SNCOs love their job then remove the retirement pay and see what happens.

I would honestly lose my mind if I re-enlisted. I probably would have gone off the deep end and would have committed ritualistic suicide with an MRE Spork.

It would be a dream to see this disorganization go back to where it came from. Hell.

Burning our moto shit since 1779.

Fleet Marine Life #50 – Welfare Marine

2011-06-16-fleetmarinelife50 - Welfare Marine

This story is true. I can’t make it up. I knew the guy personally and now him and I mutually hate each other. I knew him as a Welfare Marine. A welfare Marine is a type of Marine who is usually fat, doesn’t do anything important, has a million excuses and a million medical appointments for a million things for a million people.

The shitbag I knew was an active deployment dodger. He was so good at working the system that in the course of 8 years, he was able to dodge deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan even though the Marine Corps was in a state of constant warfare. These “Marines” will be put on a deployment platoon and just when there’s a month left, they somehow break their back, or foot or leg and then they cannot deploy. Usually the higher ups in charge of these Marines won’t have time to deal with this Mickey Mouse shit. So they don’t. On the next deployment platoon, these welfare Marines run their little game over and over again.

These “Marines” stay in the rear doing easy shit collecting a nice fat government paycheck for being broken and on indefinite light duty. Have they no shame?!

Now I know a few first term Marines that don’t get to go to Iraq or Afghanistan but they weren’t actively dodging deployments. They would usually get “voluntold” to do some boring shit for months. Usually the higher ups would have no one looking to replace them even though these Marines though they did. If you want to deploy, you have to bitch and moan constantly.

Anyways, those shitbags take up valuable resources like money, time and space. These leeches are milking the system. While good Marines go off to work like slaves in these shit hole countries, these bitches stay back in America eating In-N-Out burgers, which are amazing, hanging out with their friends and families, and leading cushy lives in the rear. All of this while calling themselves Marines. This is fucking sick.

We can’t kick them out because the Marine Corps isn’t like a business. In a business, if you work like shit, you’d get fired. In the Marine Corps, you can’t get fired! You can get kicked out but it is difficult due to the inefficient bureaucracy that is the Corps. So since, you can’t get fired, the only thing that happens are ass chewings and paperwork. But even those don’t happen because the people in charge of these Welfare Marines are Welfare Leaders. The welfare Leaders can’t correct themselves when they themselves have the same problem.

Usually the most common example is a fat Sergeant trying to correct a fat Corporal for not correcting a fat Lance Corporal. A fat Sergeant has to correct himself before correcting fat people. Usually that fat Sergeant would declare the task “too difficult” and remain fat. The consequence is that his junior Marines stop caring about being fat.

Generally, leadership would rather choose anyone as opposed to the welfare Marine who gives constant excuses. That “anyone” is usually people like me. I couldn’t do anything but complain to my Sergeants who were welfare Leaders.

Dodging deployments since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #49 – Selective Disability

2011-06-15-fleetmarinelife49 - Selective Disability

The Marine Corps has it’s fair share of malingerers. They malinger to get out of physical training, to dodge deployments, or to just set cruise control until EAS. If someone’s on light duty, they usually need a chit to prove it. They get that chit from the nearby military medical center where a Navy Doc looks at them and gives them a limited duty chit or not. The funny thing is that these docs are not PhD holders. This leads to all sorts of hilarious results.

One of the Marines in my platoon just got back from Afghanistan and then broke his foot in a motorcycle accident. The ground was wet and the motorcycle did some crazy shit. So he jumped off and the motorcycle fell from the air and on to his foot. Later that day, he showed my platoon his foot. It looked like a red football. I may not be a PhD holding doctor but I could easily tell that foot was broken. Well, he went to one military medical center and they told him it wasn’t broken. Having doubts, he went to another military medical center and that’s when he found that it was actually broken.

I could go on and on about medical and how it isn’t exactly the best of the best. I mean, shit. For half the shit I had, I was given Motrin, Tylenol or a bit of “suck it the fuck up”, which wasn’t helpful one time because I was still vomiting all over the place.” This topic is for another entry.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I’ve met quite a few Marines who I perceived to have “selective disability.” Those Marines with selective disability are usually females. But don’t get it twisted, there are Males too. Just not a lot of them. Selective disability is a kind of disability that happens to show up when these malingerers want to feel most comfortable and the kind of disability that goes away when they want something comfortable.

Female Marines usually are on light duty. I don’t know how the hell most of them that I come across are on light duty or how the hell they get their medical chits. Maybe it’s just me and someone can tell me otherwise. But usually, these females will get out of Unit Physical Training because they’re “broke” and on light duty, usually indefinitely. Also, they CANNOT do anything physical once on light duty. This causes the platoon to be short-handed when it comes to real physical work. Then if there’s a temporary assigned duty to Las Vegas or some crazy shit, then these malingerers all of the sudden have been healed! Shit pissed me off. Once these Marines have light duty chits, you can’t make them do any strenuous physical work. It’s the malingerer’s shield. You can make them clean a lot.

But not everyone is a malingerer. Some people have legit health problems. Being in the Marine Corps for a few years will fuck up your body. I knew a lot of Marines with health problems. Most of them at least tried to help the platoon and try to be an asset. I have developed some minor breathing problems, which I lied about on my final physical because I wanted to get the fuck out of the Marine Corps.

Personally, I’ve only been on light duty about 3 times for a total time of about nine days in a 4 year period. Some people have been on light duty 20 times a year. I mean, come on. Seriously?

On a final note, if you’re not a Marine, the MEU stands for Marine Expeditionary Unit. Usually they travel to all sorts of wonderful exotic locations that tourists would pay good money to go to. It’s like a vacation cruise except worse.

Malingering since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #48 – Recall

2011-06-12-fleetmarinelife48 - Recall


The one word you don’t want to hear when you are out. You don’t truly appreciate something until you lose it. The one thing may people lose when they join the Corps is freedom. Once you get out, you’ll receive your freedom again. The amount of freedom returned is overwhelming. That glowing DD214 form in my hands was holding Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. TICKET TO FREEDOM!

My Gunny asked me what I wanted to do out of the Marine Corps. I paused for a second to think about it and then I said, “Stay out!”

I knew a guy who got recalled. It fucked up his marriage. It pretty much fucked up his life. I’ve heard that recalls today aren’t likely anymore.


Here’s an article about a 50 year old AARP member who got recalled into the US army even though he’s been out for 15 years. The missile system that this veteran was trained to operate is no longer used by the military. I don’t understand how the government can do this.

Do you see the picture of this guy in that article? Zoom in and look at his face! It’s one of those, “This has to be a joke, right?” faces.

Anyways, here’s some info on “recalls.”


Basically, if you are in the inactive reserve, there’s a chance that you can get recalled. If you’re an old crusty retiree collecting good old retirement pay, you can get recalled as well.

If I get recalled, the one emotion that I would experience would probably be anger.

Avoiding recalls since 1779.

Fleet Marine Life #47 – USMC Supply

2011-06-10-fleetmarinelife47 - USMC Supply


There are many things that are inefficient in the Marine Corps. One of them is the supply system. I don’t understand why it takes so long to receive supplies, that is, if we even receive supplies. I spent $200 in Afghanistan on necessary supplies. I knew my bosses weren’t going to get them, those lazy bastards.

People in supply, get hooked the fucked up! I remember walking in one supply office and everyone’s got their own mahogany wood desk, black executive swiveling leather chairs that roll around, wireless mouses, wireless keyboards, flat screen monitors for their computers, that were all up-to-date and all that shit. I remember one time, supply hooked up all the SNCOs and officers with their own deployment bags, which were freaking nice, and expensive ass watches. Is this really how we spend the tax payer’s money?

Also, in order to get stuff from supply, apparently, you have to know someone in supply. Or you have to know a guy who knows a guy in supply. The normal route is always inefficient so Marines have to go around and use the backdoor. I remember in Afghanistan, I was wearing these really shitty pairs of boots. I figure, we’re in Afghanistan, the sandiest bitch on the planet. My Sergeant demands I go get new boots because I look unprofessional. I tell him that there is no where to get new boots. He says he’ll take me to a guy that knows a guy in supply. So I went off with him and reluctantly took these brand new boots, which I’m sure someone was really waiting for. A few months later, those new boots looked like shit because we’re IN AFGHANISTAN.

Buying our own shit since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #46 – Integrity Trap

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One thing higher ups use on their lower downs is something that I like to call the “integrity trap.” This is a trick where higher ups get Marines to incriminate themselves. The higher ups want Marines to admit fault for some wrong doing (harmful or not) now as opposed to finding about it later. The problem with this is that the higher ups may lie or mislead Marines into incriminating themselves. For example:

Douchebag LT : Did you guys go out on liberty without signing the book?
Sgt : I’m going to tell you the truth. Yes, we did.
Douchebag LT : Then I want everyone called back. Tell them all to come back here, get in cammies and stand outside for formation within 2 hours.

True story. I was one of ones in the formation. I followed the rules but I was still punished.

When you do something wrong and you know that there’s no evidence against you then you CANNOT get in trouble. However some people believe the higher ups whenever they say shit like, “We know who did it. Come forward now or else you will be punished extremely.” Well, shit. If they know who did it then why ask? It’s because they don’t know who did it! They’re lying just like they’re lying about “looking out for you.” The higher ups want to cover their ass or maybe they have some sick fetish for getting people in trouble.

However some people don’t know all this and that’s where higher ups step in and guilt you into digging your own grave. They’ll remind you that you’re a Marine and Honor, Courage, Commitment and Marines never lie, cheat or steal (which is the biggest load of crap). And if that’s not enough, they’ll say that you’ll be hammered if you don’t tell the truth and they’ll find out. This may be true but remember, if there’s no evidence, you are free!

Let’s see what happens if that Sergeant didn’t fall for the Lieutenant’s integrity trap.

Douchebag LT : Did you guys go out on liberty without signing the book?
Sgt thinks for a second. If we went out on liberty without signing the book, how can he prove that we even went out at all?
Sgt : No.
Douchebag LT : If you’re lying, we will hammer you!
The Sgt knows that if he reverses his current answer, he will be hammered.
Sgt : I’m not lying.
Douchebag LT : I better not catch you lying to me.
Sgt : You won’t.

Everyone isn’t punished.

I had a PFC that came to the fleet. He was a PFC for the longest time. When I asked him why, he replied, “I got NJP’d for underage drinking.” I asked how he got caught and he replied, “Because I admitted it.” I asked if he could of gotten away with it and he said yes. But he told me that he was compelled to tell the truth as if his life and honor depended on it. The consequence was that he lost his rank, hundreds of dollars and respect. What did he do so wrong? Nothing serious. No one was hurt. Nothing was damaged.

The worst integrity traps that I’ve encountered happened while I was in Afghanistan. A buddy from my platoon was caught with a dead opium plant in his possession. He had to go to several meetings with officers who were to determine if he were to stay in the Marine Corps or not. When the officers asked him whether or not he did drugs, my buddy thought for a second and decided to tell the truth. He said yes. They asked what drugs. He said Ecstasy. When they said how many. He carefully answered one pill. The majority of the officers said that they had no evidence that he actually used drugs in the Marine Corps so they were about to let him go until one Douchebag Lieutenant decided to press things further. Because of that one Lieutenant, my buddy was given an other than honorable discharge a few months before he was about to get out of the Marine Corps.

He lost his GI Bill, his VA Benefits, his disability, everything. Everything taken away because of one sentence. He didn’t harm anyone except maybe himself. But had he lied, he would have been given an honorable discharge. No one would have been mad at him because he served honorably.

In conclusion, if your higher ups ask you if you did something wrong, and you could get away with it, just lie. They’re not there to help you. They’re there to cover their own asses. Telling the truth is not worth losing rank, respect and hundreds of dollars for something so minor.

On a side note, this website has passed 10,000 hits.

Falling into integrity traps since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #45 – One Two Three

2011-06-03-fleetmarinelife45 - One Two Three


Marines aren’t exactly the brightest of people. Sometimes when I’m in a large crowd of Marines, I feel like I’m one of many sheep or lemmings because no one usually knows what the fuck is going on. So we all follow the senior staff NCO who in turn does not know what the fuck is going on but pretends he does.

Counting off is where the group leader needs to make sure he has all of his people so that they can go off to do something (most likely something shitty). It starts off by everyone getting in a box formation, then one Marine would start off by screaming ONE and then the Marine next to him would say TWO and the Marine next to him would yell THREE and so on. Sounds easy, right? Well apparently to Marines, it’s like trying to dismantle the Hadron Particle Collider.

It amuses me how someone could fuck up this simplest of tasks.

Fucking up counting from 1 to 60 since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #44 – Suicide Brief

2011-06-01-fleetmarinelife44 - Suicide Brief


Suicides happen in the Marine Corps. What does the Marine Corps do to help prevent it? Powerpoint by death. Frankly, I fucking hate these briefs. It is an epic struggle to stay awake through it. On one presentation, I drank 3 monsters. And afterwards, I felt shittier physically and mentally.

For those higher ups who think that this is the solution, how about asking yourself why Marines commit suicide and then work from there? There are some problems that can’t be solved like, “I want to kill myself because the Marine Corps sucks ass and I have 3 years left on my contract.” Sure the Marine Corps sucks ass but as a higher up, I’m sure you can find ways to lessen that shitty feeling.

Like instead of keeping your Marines working beyond normal working hours because you had your head up your ass, why not improve yourself so that they don’t have to suffer because of YOUR mistakes. Or stop treating your Marines like shit because your vagina hurts or you have a fucking power trip. Your Marines are there to work for you and will do what you tell them to as long as they trust and believe you. The higher ups are supposed to be helping their junior Marines and not themselves but it almost always seems to be the opposite of that.

Getting a briefed on suicide awareness since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #43 – Knock Knock

2011-05-27-fleetmarinelife43 - Knock Knock


One thing that I won’t miss about the Marine Corps is duty. Duty is when you have to get in uniform and sit behind a desk near your barracks for 24 hours. Your responsibilities are to make sure no one does anything stupid like throw beer bottles out their window and into the parking lot.

If I had duty, I always got stuck with a weekend duty. I felt as if the duty gods  cast a curse upon me especially when I got duty on my last week in the Marine Corps. It’s whatever.

Nothing bad usually happens during the weekdays. Usually you hear something about people breaking into Marines’ rooms for CIF gear or their Playstations. Even with duty present, no one ever gets caught but other than that, nothing normally happens. I believe duty is necessary during the weekends because that’s when Marines usually do dumb shit and I don’t think anyone would be sober enough during the weekend to call PMO or 911.

Nothing usually ever happened to me while I was on duty. The only incident that I can remember is when our platoon’s Shitbag Steve was drunk on a Friday and attacked the Duty NCO over something stupid. Then on the next day, everyone in my platoon was punished for it. Good times.

Anyways, I hated it when my unit fucks up the duty roster and then they go crazy to find someone for duty. It’s usually because the person that they assigned to duty isn’t available but they assigned him anyways. God damn disorganization.

Under my platoon’s level, there was an excel spreadsheet that had 30-something boxes (representing days of the month) next to everyone’s name. If someone was doing something on the 5th of that month, then the box under “5” would be filled with APT (Appointment) or DTY (Duty). Once everyone’s future tasks are filled out, you don’t have to ask everyone again for that month! If someone has to do duty in my platoon and the platoon leader isn’t sure if certain Marines are busy or not, he can check that spreadsheet that’s posted on the bulletin board. That way confusion is avoided and he doesn’t assign people who cannot do duty to duty. If you solve a problem but the same thing continues to reoccur every month, then you probably haven’t solved it at all.

Avoiding Duty since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #42 – Suicide Watch

2011-05-26-fleetmarinelife42 - Suicide Watch


I thought suicide watch (aka shadow watch) was a waste of time. If someone wanted to commit suicide for real, he would just do it and not start running around saying how he’s going to do it. If someone in my unit said, “I’M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE,” fellow Marines would normally respond with, “No balls, small penis, spaghetti pubes.”

But in all seriousness, In 2008, the Marine Corps had the second highest suicide rate compared to the other parts of the Armed Forces. It came very close to first place.


After combat, it is one of the top killer of Marines. In 2009, 52 Marines killed themselves.


There is a simple explanation why Marines do it. The Marine Corps blows complete and total ass. There are many ways they do this and I can’t hope to possibly explain it all.

For one, you are a government slave bound to follow the ridiculous whims of your Officers and Staff NCOs. Some of these tasks will push Marines to borderline suicidal levels. For example, I knew a section that did nothing all morning and afternoon. Just before they were about to be released, their douchebag Warrant Officer would dump a shitload of “high priority” work on them. Of course none of this work was “high priority” and could have been done tomorrow. These Marines had no choice unless they want to lose money and rank.

One negative effect of this is that Marines would have to spend extra time beyond their normal working hours. What remains unseen are Marines not having time to see their families, their loved ones, have fun or even relax. It makes life more stressful.

There are several questions that I want to ask of that Warrant Officer. Why can’t they complete those turnover binders tomorrow and not that night? Why did you dump it on them at the last minute? Who is failing? This is just one example of things higher ups can do that can prevent thoughts of suicide.

A suicide brief is given everytime a Marine kills himself in my unit. Holy crap, they are boring. You sit on your ass for hours while there’s someone who talks on and on about suicide, ways people commit suicide, suicide success rates, why people commit suicide, the works. Is this really the solution?

Instead of asking themselves where do all these problems come from, higher ups just look for solutions. Never once in my Marine Corps career has anyone asked me if I would commit suicide and why.

If you’re thinking about suicide, do what I did. Say to yourself, “Just *insert number of years left in the Marines* more years left.”

On a side note, I added the USMC Hall of Fame section to the “A Few Good Links” section.

Watching shadows since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #41 – Pullers and Pyles

2011-05-18-fleetmarinelife41 -  Pullers and Pyles


In the Marine Corps, you can work as hard as you want but you won’t really go anywhere. You’ll just end up getting more work. In fact, you will be so depended on, your higher ups won’t even let you go anywhere.

Why would your higher ups send you away and lose an asset? Officers and SNCOs wanted to make themselves look good at the expense of doing what is right. So instead of rewarding the good Marines, they would punish them by keeping them in their section.

This happened to a friend of mine named Dan. He was so squared-away, that he would single-handedly bring up his entire section because he did a significant amount of work. They never sent him anywhere but instead, they treated him like shit because they were big time haters.

So, he became sick of their bullshit and eventually turned 180 degrees toward the path of shitbaggery. His higher ups turned him into the platoon janitor. Eventually, they sent him away to the Philippines where he met a Master Gunnery Sergeant. They played golf together and hanged out. Then this conversation took place.

Dan : Hey, can you give me good pros and cons?
MGuns : Sure!
Dan : Thanks, I usually get crappy pros and cons for the work that I do.
MGuns : Who do you work for?
Dan : *tells him*
MGuns : Oh. I hate that faggot.

Throughout the Marine Corps, I have had my suspicions but this single event proved to me, without a shadow of doubt, that in order to succeed in the Marine Corps, you need to know the right people. So it doesn’t matter what you do but more importantly, it’s about who you know.

Unfortunately, the reward and punishment system is fucked up most of the times. I remember we had this Temporary Assigned Duty (TAD) to Las Vegas and they wanted to send this belligerent shitbag, who couldn’t even pass a PFT, just so that they could get rid of this shitbag but the shitbag couldn’t go. If you are in a position of leadership and are wondering if a place is shitty or not, just ask your platoon, “Who wants to go?” If at least one Marine says yes, it’s probably all right. If over half the platoon raises their hands, you know DAMN well to send THOSE volunteers.

Why do you want to send shitbags who don’t want to do anything when there are WILLING Marines? I don’t understand why the selection process has to be random. It’s not like the whole damn process should be so complicated. Just tell everyone to stand in a formation or gather around and start asking a bunch of questions to weed out undesirable Marines.

I worked hard and ended up getting sent to 29 Palms for a month. Another Marine gets caught beating off in the General Population Tent, a trailer, the head, on post and then got caught sleeping on post and ends up being sent to work at the Single Marine Program Area for half a year. My Sergeant asked my platoon, “Who wants to work at the SMP?” and 95% of the people raised their hands. BUT SPANKY GOT IT!

Is this the right way to go about doing business? Good Marines should be treated like limited resources and not something expendable. If the Marine Corps was a business, it wouldn’t even last a year because everyone would quit.

On a side note, I’ve added a few more links in the “A Few Good Links” section. Also, www.ihatetheUSMC.com added me on their links section. Thanks!

Working for work since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #40 – The Runaround

2011-05-09-fleetmarinelife40 - The Runaround


The giant paper-collecting spider is always pleased with IPAC’s work.

But on a serious note, I find it disturbing that I could not get one award processed. Putting the humanitarian service medal (HSM) in the system and on your record is not easy or apparently possible. Even though, there was a Marine Administrative message out saying that if you were in a specified place, time, operation doing humanitarian work, you rate the HSM. I had a letter of appreciation (LOA) thanking me for working there in that specific operation.

I thought I could just hand the MARADMIN and my LOA, two pieces of paper, to someone and they could forward that up to higher and they’ll look at it and say to themselves, “Looks good. Give him the HSM.” But no, it ain’t that easy. It’s like trying to put in for the congressional Medal of Honor. In all honesty, it shouldn’t have to be.

What irritates me is the fact that half the team who worked on that humanitarian mission got the HSMs and the other half didn’t. Someone obviously fucked up the paper work and didn’t give a shit afterward. What irritates me even more is that the Staff Sergeant in charge of us got a god damn Navy Achievement Medal (NAM) half a year after the operation. The higher ups take care of higher ups but fail to give a shit about everyone else. Great. Well, fuck you too.

Feeding spiders our paperwork since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #39 – The Spiel

2011-05-05-fleetmarinelife38 - The Spiel


A lot of training we receive is kind of useless. I mean, it’s great and all but for the most part some of these skills just get pushed to the back of our “brain housing group.”

In Marine Combat Training, there’s all these weapons systems you learn about but won’t use any of them. And when the time comes when you have to use them, you don’t remember how to because it’s been like 2 years.

Also, in today’s day and age of “fighting terrorism”, Marines have fought terrorists mainly in Iraq and Afghanistan. So why do we need cold weather training and jungle warfare training? Some people say, “Just in case.” but the reality is that we’ve been fighting this war on desert environments for many years. It’s just a waste of money.

Anyways, it’s out of my pay grade.

Condensing 6 months worth of training in 3 sentences since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #38 – Recruiting 101

2011-05-07-fleetmarinelife39 - Recruiting 101


I know what you non-militant folks are thinking about the Marines. “Man! What they do is so hard-core! I could never do something like that!” You’d be surprised. The only hard-core thing I did was hard-core police calling (pick up trash) and hard-core skating (aka “my phone was out of power”).

What you see about the Marines in television, movies and other forms of media is only just a small view of it. There is a 99% chance that You will not do any of that shit. But 100% of Marine recruits believe that they will be that 1%. That leaves 99% of Marines disappointed. Oh well.

Being disappointed since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #37 – Moment’s Rest

2011-05-03-fleetmarinelife37 - Moment's Rest


One thing that I hated in the Marine Corps is that it doesn’t matter how much work you do. It’s how much IT APPEARS you are doing.

My team would do everything but the SSGT in charge of us, who doesn’t do fucking shit, would APPEAR to do all of it to his superiors. Since he’s a fucked up SSGT, he gave us all low proficiency and low conduct marks (which fucks us all for promotion) and he put himself up for a Navy Achievement medal. The people who actually do work, get nothing. Shafted!

“Perception is reality,” is what my fellow Marines would tell me and it’s true. Fact doesn’t matter. I could run a 300 Physical Fitness Test, shoot 20th award Expert, never get in trouble, single-handedly take out a battalion of enemy Taliban soldiers, be a congressional Medal of Honor recipient but if my hair is 3.1 inches on top, I’ll appear incompetent to higher ups. I mean, really?

A Sergeant told me that I was lazy and he asked me, “Do you know how I know?” and I replied, “No, Sergeant.” This is what he told me, “It’s because your uniform is dirty.”

My uniform was dirty because I WAS FUCKING WORKING but he wasn’t having none of that. He said some shit about being “squared-away 24/7.”

On another note, Osama is dead. I would have figured that President Obama would have kept him alive until somewhere close to re-election time… Oh well.

Appearing like we’re doing something since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #36 – Have a Seat

2011-05-01-fleetmarinelife36 - Have a Seat


Some 16 year olds look like 18 year olds and some 18 year olds look like 21 year olds. Sometimes the 16 year olds would look 21! We would be told to look for their IDs so we don’t get in trouble.

Dateline’s to catch a predator is an addicting show. Here are some free episodes thanks to youtube.


Unfortunately, they cut the show because some asshole killed himself thanks to the show. I mean, come on! One less predator in this world isn’t going to hurt anyone! They should be giving Chris Hansen a freaken medal for that! What has gotten into America these days? Whatever, man.

Even though Marines would receive a warning that there are 15 year olds going into clubs with fake IDs, there’s always “that one Marine” who doesn’t really care. The signs are there! There warnings are there! But he just chose to play ignorant. And when he gets caught, it’s brig time for him. Thank you for playing.

Unfortunately, our hero, Joe Jay, was dragged down by Shitbag Steve. I’m sure the Marine Corps Judicial System would give him a fair trial… Hahaha…

Taking a seat since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #35 – Chain of Command

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One thing I hated was all the ass kissing in the Marine Corps. My fucking Staff Sergeant would volunteer us for everything just so that he can look good. The tasks would be evenly distributed to all the platoons but my douchebag SSGT would volunteer us to take most of the tasks anyways. Of course, he wouldn’t tell us that HE volunteered us for everything. This would put an unnecessary strain on my platoon.

He never did shit and he got the credit for everything my entire team did. I mean, what the shit? How does this work?

Fuck those god damn ass kissers. I fucking hated my SNCOs.

Kissing ass since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #34 – Hand Jam

2011-04-29-fleetmarinelife34 - Hand Jam


One thing that bothered me was that some of my bosses were illiterate. I mean, this one Sergeant that I used to work with, who was the laziest piece of shit, had this notepad that he left out. One day, I just looked at it and was astonished. Every other letter was capitalized, some words were not spelled right, some words were used incorrectly, the list goes on and on. I knew he was dumb but I didn’t know he was THAT dumb.

I was pissed because he was “in charge of us” even though he didn’t know how to do our jobs.  And on top of being in charge of us, he would be commended on the work that my team did. It pissed me off.

I’ll post a picture of one of his witness statements later. It’s hilarious!

The Marine Corps has the Spelling course for Marines and the mandatory Sergeant’s Grammar Course but you can just cheat through those. In fact, since those books are so thick, the most efficient way to get them done is by cheating and that’s exactly what people do.

Do you want to go through 300 pages on shit about where to put your commas or periods? Or would you rather cheat through it, save hours of your time and do something else with those saved hours? I mean, everyone else is cheating that it’s the new norm. No one’s going to “catch you” so there’s no penalty for cheating. Unless, you’re a dumbass Private First Class who does 20 Marine Corps Courses in one day. That raised a red flag and got that bitch into some deep shit.

Illiterate since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #33 – Keyword Skate

2011-04-28-fleetmarinelife33 - Keyword Skate


Someone told me this acronym one day. I started to follow it when I became completely demotivated and never looked back. Once followed, you will win!

I used to be motivated but motivation only takes you so far. It’s not about what you do but it’s about who you know. And I didn’t know my higher ups that well so I had problems throughout my career.

I eventually got sick of it so I just ended up being a hardcore skater. I know that if I’m going to get low pros/cons for no reason, I might as well earn them. I mean, I can’t get fired! There is a right way to SKATE and a wrong way. I’ll talk more about this later. Proficiency and Conduct Marks account for more than 50% of your score to get promoted. And they’re done by your higher ups and they might not like you just because you happen to like a different football team than him.

I mean, shit! My higher ups never did THEIR JOB and supervised me. Because they never supervised me, they don’t know what I did. And because, they never knew what I really did, they had to just give me whatever pro/con marks with no justification.

The only way that I know if I got pro/con marks is if I randomly check Marine Online one day and I’m not even sure which SNCO gave me them. I mean is this right? Are my Staff NCOs are too cowardly to tell me what my pro/con marks are?

The only reason why they don’t supervise me is because they are afraid. They are afraid of me finding out that they don’t know how to do my job! You can’t supervise something that you don’t know. Little does he know, I already know that he doesn’t know how to do my job!

Skating since 1775.

Fleet Marine Life #32 – Wingman

2011-04-27-fleetmarinelife32 - Wingman

One thing you don’t want to bring when you go out drinking is another Marine. God it’s terrible. A countless number of things can go wrong. It’s too many to list so I’ll turn them into comics in the future.

They had a bar in Okinawa, Japan named, “Globe and Anchor” but Marines called it the the Hook and Jab because so many stupid and drunk Marines fought each other there over something as stupid as the way another drunk Marine looks.

Drunk Marine 1 : I don’t like the way you’re just standing there!
Drunk Marine 2 : Them’s fightin’ words!
Drunk Marine 1 : Let’s fight!

Alcoholism is part of the Marine Corps tradition. And we suffer greatly because of it. A lot of Marines drink and drive 120 mph into the nearest tree. And then the Marines that are still alive in that command all receive a 3 hour long safety stand-down on “how not to drink and then drive your car 120 mph into the nearest tree.” Whenever I receive these briefs, it is a struggle to stay awake. I could have slept for 10 hours yesterday but it’s like some sort of dark magic that these speakers cast on all of us.

The best way to stay awake is by not paying attention. I’ll blankly stare ahead, with my mouth gaping open, and think about how much I want to get the fuck out of the Marine Corps and what I’m going to do out of it.

But why do Marines drink? They drink to escape the shitty reality that they are in. It’s escapism.

Driving into trees since 1775.


Fleet Marine Life #31 – Congrats

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I can pretty much imagine what everybody wants to do when they get out of the Marine Corps.

1. Get the fuck away from your current duty station.
2. Burn, sell or lock away your uniforms.
3. Grow out your hair/mustache/beard to your standards.
4. Get more tattoos to your standards.
5. Go to “previously restricted area/country” and do “previously restricted activity” for as long as you’d like or as long as your funds permit.

Those are the main things that I can imagine.

This cycle of Marine recruits coming in and angry Marines going out is continuous and it appears near ending but if the Marine Corps keeps spitting out angry former Marines, you sort of wonder if the higher ups even realize that this is a future problem.

The answer is, it is. If the higher ups took off their rose-colored glasses they would realize it. Eventually, with the Marine Corps being as shitty as it is, people will get out as fast as possible and spread bad word about the Marine Corps.

And this Angry Marine will spread bad word about the Marine Corps for the rest of his natural life.

Now imagine this with many, many angry Marines. The Marine Corps is taking its own dick and shoving it up its own ass by fucking over good Marines and making up stupid rules and regulations. Also, the higher ups that are currently in don’t care about us in general. They say they do but it’s just a bunch of lies and the people below them, the lower-downs, will believe them up until the point when something happens that changes their perspective of those higher ups. It’s usually by witnessing one or many wrong-doings.

I can go on but I will in later comics.

Flipping the bird at higher ups since 1779.

CivilianFirstClass USMC Advice – Prepare yourself for EAS NOW! Not later

Good morning, boys and girls! How the hell are we? You may be asking yourselves, “Who’s this douchebag and why does he sound so happy?” Well, I’ll tell you why. I recently separated from the Marine Corps with no ties with the organization (no IRR time left). This is going to be a bit long-winded so bear with me.

It was a bittersweet transition from being a man-baby who was coddled to a real adult. Before you motards start jumping on my back, I’ll ask you to think about it before you post. Marines aren’t allowed to take initiative or think for themselves. Ever hear “Good initiative, bad judgment” or “Who the hell told you to do that, Devil?!” Yeah, we’ve all been there. And that’s my point. Marines aren’t treated like adults, unless they’re SNCOs or officers. While in the Marine Corps everything is provided for you. You really didn’t have to worry about anything and money will be rolling in. Once you’re out you’ll have nothing but the things you work for. This is what I mean by bittersweet.

Well, I’ve been on this site a back and haven’t returned until now. Looks like there are a lot more
people since I last lurked through here. Which I think is great. Aside from the smoke pit, this is a wonderful medium for Marines to come and vent their anger and frustration. To the moderators/creators I say, keep up the great work. And to the Marines – come on here when you need to vent. Get it out of your system here and don’t lash out to those jerks around you (even though they may deserve it); don’t give them a reason to pick on you. Last time I was here, I replied to some troll that commented on the page. Looking through the anon boards, I don’t see too many trolls anymore. Although they are annoying, I do like it when they post. It’s fun to see Marines who’ve been mistreated or kept their anger bottled inside pounce on the troll. Because let’s face it, we couldn’t do that in real-life.

The main reason why I’m writing today is to try and impart some advice to Marines. The posts on
this board are loaded with sound advice so heed them. My advice is to milk the Marine Corps for all it’s worth. They’re going to get what they want from you so why not take what you can get? There are loads of things that can accomplish this without breaking the law. Tuition assistance is a MAJOR one. If you’re in right now, you’d be an idiot and not to take advantage of it. It’s free money. I can’t stress that enough. I started taking classes for three reasons: 1. Education 2. Milking the Marine Corps 3. Getting out of field day. I don’t mind cleaning my room because I’m a neat person by nature. But what I didn’t like was to clean after other Marines. Why should I clean the lounge if I don’t ever go in the lounge? Or clean the NCO deck if I’m not an NCO? So instead of getting black-out drunk, why not just take a class or two? It’ll make you’re time go by much faster and make you more marketable when you’re ready to transition.
Next thing you should do is go to medical to claim every ache and pain. I’m sure some of you have heard this before so just do it. If you have enough claims you may get money after you leave the service. This is simple and doesn’t take much time. And even if it does, it’ll get you out of work for a bit.

Lastly, my advice is to save money. This is very important especially if you are planning to get out. It’s never too early to start. A few hundred dollars a month will add up and will give you a good start when you’re out in the real world looking for a job. Or while you’re in school if you plan to go that route. With a good amount of savings to supplement your Post 9/11 GI Bill, you’ll be in a good position to start your new life semi-worry free. While you’re out, it’s amazing how much you have to pay for when you’re on your own and I just hope you’re properly prepared for it. It’s not easy but it sure is satisfying to know that you are on your own.

In no way am I saying you have listen to me because I’m a nobody, just a former cog in a huge machine which is the Marine Corps. But I genuinely do want Marines who gets out to succeed. On my way back to my home of record, I ran into a former Marine and started shooting the shit. He was bitter with his current situation and I asked what he did to prepare before he got out. I found out, he didn’t do much. He was so used to the security that the military provided that he didn’t properly prepare. I don’t want to be in the same situation and I don’t want to see you guys there either. So please prepare yourselves because it’ll make a world of difference once you’re out.

Nothing feels better than leaving with your DD214, Navy Comm (worthless in the real world), and a check for the leave days I sold back while driving off base for the last time. The feeling is invigorating and liberating. It’s the next chapter of your life so make sure that it’s going to be a
good one by doing what you need to do now. Don’t wait for later to get your shit together. Do it now.

A little about myself: I am a former NCO and was just an average Marine. I got out a few months
ago and now living a normal life. I didn’t do anything special while in the Marine Corps but I didn’t manage to get an associate’s degree (I wish I would’ve started right away so I would’ve gotten a bachelors). I am working for the government (not DoD) and planning to finish my schooling.

Again, I wish all of you the best of luck. I know your EAS seems like forever away but make the time in between count and do something meaningful that’ll prepare you for the real world. It’s going to be worth it in the end.

Submitted by: CivilianFirstClass