Fuck, I hated having roommates. Whenever you get new roommates, it’s like you’re gambling. Except if you lose, you end up suffering for like half a year. You may get someone who’s smelly, annoying, loud, a Klepto, prone to trouble, financially in trouble, an alcoholic, messy or all of the above. And in the Marine Corps, you usually end up in trouble for not taking care of your significant other.
I remember one time my roommate came back into my room and he was drinking underage. So I did the right thing and wasted my time by making sure he didn’t get out of the room. An underage drinking charge is pretty much a guaranteed NJP and will fuck up one’s career for months. So I looked out for him even though I didn’t have to.
One time, I was roommates with this broke-dick Marine when he made this Skype call to his girlfriend. The conversation went like this…
Crying Girl : You’re not making this relationship work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want me to do…
Crying Girl : You should know!
Marine : I don’t know if you don’t tell me…
Crying Girl : You’re not trying to make this work!
Marine : I am… I am… Tell me what you want…
This went on for 10 minutes and it was awkward as fuck. It was like one of those moments where you’re stuck and you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I leave? No wait… the conversation has got to end soon…” And then more time passes and you think to yourself, “It’s got to end soon… any minute now…” I told him that maybe it’s not meant to be and he said he was going to hit me. Whatever.
I hate living around Marines. They’re always fucking drunk and breaking shit that’s already broken. Like my bicycle that’s outside my door. Thank you, Marines. I really didn’t need to be able to change gears. In Okinawa, I would wake up at 2 AM in the morning because some drunk dumbass pulled the fire alarm. This shit usually happens twice a month. It’s funny at first but IT GETS OLD.
In California, I was given a room that had a roommate already in it. Or so they thought. I kept up the charade until I deployed. Those 3 months were the best 3 months of barracks life that I have ever experienced. Peace, quiet and space.
After the Marine Corps, I have vowed to never have roommates again. Period.
Getting shitty roommates since 1775.