Fleet Marine Life #84 – Shitbag

2011-09-01-fleetmarinelife84 - Shitbag

You can just tell the amount of effort I put into today’s comic.

Someone told me this acronym a long time ago. I can’t remember who…

This is seriously all I did during my last 6 months in the Corps. If you aren’t following this acronym to the letter as a short-timer, you are failing at life.

I would usually hide and sleep in the cleaning supply locker or another platoon’s area.

Sometimes, I slept in plain sight in the platoon commander’s office. There was this corkboard leaning against the wall that was arm’s distance from the lieutenant’s desk. I went behind it, contorted my body to hide behind it and lean the corkboard back against the wall with me underneath it. I even poked a small hole in it so that I can see who’s in the office or not. I would set my phone to vibrate and then I would go to sleep. Whenever someone would call me, I would text back that I’m in the company bathroom. I would then look through hole to see if the office was clear. If it was, I would re-emerge from behind the corkboard. If it wasn’t clear, I would knock on the wall that my back was against. The one Sergeant that is usually in the office, would get up from his desk and walk to the office next door thinking that someone is messing around. Then I would re-emerge.

Sometimes, I would just say fuck it and go back to my barracks room, turn off all the lights, close the curtains and play Call of Duty : Black Ops from 1300-1630.

Also, I would avoid volunteering like the plague.

Why do I do this? Because my company is a piece of shit.

I wasn’t the only short-timer doing this. My fellow short-timers always had “appointments” for checking out. Were they legitimate? Only if the Sergeant called to check up on them. The funny thing about checking out is that it doesn’t take that long to do, assuming everything is in order and if you’re desperate. But short-timers usually drag out the process for months. Why you ask? I ask you, “Why not?”

Becoming shitbags since 1775.

  • Mike

    I knew a guy who put on a halloween mask every time he hid somewhere. He got caught a couple of times and everyone jumped as he screamed. He got know as “the guy who will hide to scare people” not “the guy who hides to avoid work.” Brilliant.