Disgruntled Former 0311

I went to boot camp during the summer of 2008. After that it was off to ITB. I was soooo excited to go the fleet after that. I wanted to do amazing things with my life. What I got instead was horrible. My “senior marines” didn’t haze me. They physically and mentally abused me. Everyone says “I would stand up and fight them.” But when it’s a uniformed gang, there’s no fighting against them. I spun into depression. Everyday was a struggle to not go U.A. I hated everyone. But most of all, I hated myself. I felt worthless. THEN it came time to deploy. About a week before we left for Afghan, the company 1st Sgt asked each squad leader for one marine to send to H&S company for FOB Guard Duty. While the rest of the company was in the “REAL” combat zone I was stuck standing 12 hrs of post a day, going on a bullshit patrol (so close to the wire I could spit on it) and doing massive amounts of S-4 working parties. I worked 18 hr days as an 0311 in a POG’s world. I wanted to fight. I wanted to have the satisfaction of trading rounds with my enemies. But I guess I didnt rate. All this time building up the anticipation. And the marine corps stole it from me. By the time I was able to go with my original company, the shooting had stopped. I was berated so badly by my peers for my so called “cowardice” that there were several times i had to pull my M16 barrel out of my mouth. I told my team leader I was suicidal. He said I was a bitch. my entire squad “no balls’ed” me to kill myself. I plotted their murders and my suicide shortly following their demise. I lost my Faith in Jesus Christ. i lost my faith in my “fellow” marines and their so called “brotherhood.” I lost faith in myself. I never ended up killing anyone including anyone in my squad. my second deployment was an uneventful MEU. I have since EAS’ed. I hate the Marine Corps. I wasnt the best marine, but I always did what I was told and followed the rules. Fuck The Marine Corps.

Submitted by: Disgruntled Former 0311