Ballad of QA, Part IV

(or is it 1?, I can never remember)

Having reached the end of my 30 days restriction and EPD, the time came for my freedom. I stopped by the legal office on the last day, and procured a letter explaining that I was a free man after my last restriction muster at 2045.

I arrived at my final muster at 2245, in my own car, driven by a friend (I couldn’t drive, as I was on restriction). Having gotten my sheet signed, and signed the SDO copy, I hit the men’s room, and drove off into the sunset (which any single marine knows means a strip club.)

I had been stuck in the barracks for a month, but the ninja-punch hadn’t taken any money from me. This left me a free man, on a Friday night, with three paychecks burning a hole in my pocket. Being a bit of a snob, I had never frequented the strip clubs near any of the bases. I went to the higher end places, that had at least one scotch whiskey that wasn’t Johnny Walker. Having arrived with my friends, the doorman (a coworker at the security company I worked for off-duty) obviously recognized me, cleared my table, and gave me a slew of free drink tickets (this was the main reason I could afford to patronize this establishment). On my route to my table, I was asked by three different girls why I hadn’t been by for my Friday lap dance in what seemed like forever. At this point, my friends realized what I had been getting up to after work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, and settled in to enjoy the ride.

We made it back to the barracks at the relatively sane hour of 3am, and went to our respective rooms.

For those who may be wondering why I had pestered the legal chief for a letter stating the obvious (that I was no longer restricted, nor usable for bitch-work once my sentence had been served) guess who was pounding on my door at just after 7am the next morning?

I dragged myself, barely conscious and slightly hung over, to my door to find QA, who wanted to know why I had missed my 7am muster, since he was the duty NCO that day. (I had never been required to check in with the barracks duty, merely to report to him/her that I was leaving the barracks for a meal or religious observance, all of my check-ins were with the SDO.) Being the duty NCO, he had a copy of my restriction muster, and was of the opinion that, since my restriction ended after 1630 on Friday, that meant I was on restriction all weekend as well, and he would be using me to police call the barracks (this wasn’t new, I had done it several times already.)

I pointed out that all the blocks were full, and that there were no places left for me or him to sign. He told me that, since I had missed my sign-in, he had already informed the SDO, the GDO, and the officer of the day, who were already on their way. I had been prepared to furnish him a copy of my letter, but this was about to be too much fun. (I was smart enough to have made several copies. He was absolutely the type of guy to tear up a single copy, leaving me with no evidence.)

We waited outside of my room for everyone to arrive, and QA gave his side of the story to each as they arrived. Needless to say the screaming awoke many hungover marines, who did NOT appreciate being awakened at 6am by QA ranting about discipline, rules, and adherence to orders. Once the OOD arrived and heard the story he asked me to explain myself. He wanted to know, in no uncertain terms, just where I thought I got off. If I was on restriction, that meant I was on restriction. That meant no booze, and no leaving the base. I was clearly hung over, and still had the stamps from the bars on the back of my hand. I had exactly 2 seconds to give him a good ******* reason why I had chosen to disobey the lawful orders of a LtCol in the United States marine corps.

At this point I asked the OOD for a moment, walked over to my desk, and handed him a copy of the letter from the legal chief. He read aloud to the assembled masses (to include several spectators who, despite the efforts of the staff duty clerk, had congregated to see what I was up to) that my restriction had expired with my final restriction muster, and I was of course a free man, as of 2245 the night before. The fact that the command had not accounted for the fact that this would leave me out on a Friday, going into a 96 was neither my fault, nor my problem.

Needless to say, the SDO, GDO, and OOD were not happy to have had their time wasted by an overzealous sergeant who was plainly carrying a grudge. The fact that these men had all been called within moments of assuming their posts, to race to a barracks and find nothing of note was not going to help matters. QA, now suitably humiliated, had managed to make a big enough wave that, over the next several hours, the barracks would be visited by my SNCOIC, OIC, SgtMaj and even the old man himself. QA found himself explaining this story in great detail to the entire chain of command for the better part of the day. I was happy to furnish copies of the letter to anyone who asked.

Again, I may have enjoyed this a bit more than was entirely healthy.

Submitted by: Billiam201