I have to drink most nights of the week just to cope with the depression of waking up to do the same monotonous bullshit day in and day out, then when I’m broke because after over 4 years and too many non-rec’s to count I am still a LCpl, I question my motives and try to convince myself that I should quit drinking like I do, but along comes pay day and after work I walk my happy ass to the PX and get a case of what ever suits my taste that night. I sat on guard post recently with a loaded rifle and for the 15 hours I was there I spent more time than I ever have in my life wondering what death is like. This way of life is not healthy for any level headed, rational thinking person. The only thing keeping me out of the hospital, brig, Canada, etc. is that I now have less than 6 months left. When that happened, I started smiling again some days, it’s like a bright shining light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. When I’m done with this, I’m going to go about my life as normally as possible. I’m not proud of this anymore, and I doubt I ever will be. I’ll just be happy to make it out alive.