Corporal Punishment

The only people who think the Marine Corps sexual assault programs work are people who have never been sexually assaulted in the Marine Corps.

Before I begin I would like to add that this blog will also touch on the subject of how commands deal with suicidal ideations and depression as one lead to the other in my case as well as many others. I am three weeks from going on terminal leave, and couldn’t be happier and this is a huge part as to why. I never submitted a re-enlistment package and I actually tried to VERP, but my MOS couldn’t at the time.

It started after boot camp. I went on boot leave and was raped by a former mentor of mine from my old rescue squad. I was truly devastated the Marine Corps made me feel like I was as tough as they come after boot camp, but that night did away with that mentality. I withdrew from people and tried to deal with it on my own. The result was I got bullied and made fun of a lot by my Marine peers. I do not hold a grudge over this anymore however, because I realized an inevitable problem in the USMC which is age. 18 year old kids fresh out of high school don’t know how to deal with real adult issues and its not their fault and no class is going to teach someone empathy, understanding, or compassion like experience would. two years later I finally decide to talk to someone, of course I cant talk to a friend or other Marine, because then it would be an open case. This is a huge flaw in the system as well. what happens is if you begin to talk about anything possibly deep the Marines literally would take their fingers plug their ears and say lalalala. They don’t want to be in trouble if they don’t report it, but also don’t want to deal with it or be a part of it either. The only people I cold see was the chaplain and UVA. The UVA gave me a military one source card. By the way military one source does not cover sexual assault specifically, the only thing it is good for is to talk to a stranger over the phone about your problems, because your command and friends can’t. So after that I went to the chaplain, which I didn’t want to because he tries to shove Jesus down your throat and repeats himself over and over, because he is a Korean guy who barely speaks English. Meanwhile in the 1st Sgt’s office my platoon sgt who never asked even how I was doing before is being ripped a new one, because a Marine of his is talking to the chaplain and he don’t know why. Later that day I am held well past working hours until I tell him why I went to see the chaplain. I can’t tell him, because the circumstances but he doesn’t care he just wants to cover his ass. after about three or four hours of what felt like interrogation I tell him. The next day I am called into 1st sgt’s office with the UVA present explaining that it is now an open case, because someone reported it, Caugh gunny fuckface because no one else knew. I was immediately alienated and told that I needed to heal. That I was broke and needed to recover. They moved me out of my PTP cycle to a holding platoon where I mowed lawns and other odd jobs. When we did unit PT I wasn’t allowed to participate just watch. When we went on hikes I was given a blue rubber rifle instead of a real one. I became so depressed I started contemplating suicide. I was denied the opportunity to see a real therapist. I saw one on base but he wasn’t licensed and was some old guy prob vet at the family recourse center who basically would relate every issue I brought up to how much a Marine I was and stupid shooting references etc. I requested mass and the Battalion CO saw to it that I got counciling off base. I then tuned out all the Marines around me focused on my workouts at the time boxing was my outlet and my therapy. After a year and being ripped to shreds cus I worked out so much from anger the 1st Sgt told me I was now fixed. I then got to go on a deployment however immediately following the deployment my security clearance gets revoked from me being suicidal before. Even though I did everything I was supposed to and sought help on my own. I didn’t ask for attention, in fact almost no one knew. I didn’t want to stop PT, in fact I worked out about 4 hours a day. I just wanted to be a Marine. The paperwork took a while so that explained the delay affect. to sum it up they took my clearance away with so little time left there really isn’t anything I could do about it. I never had a NJP, only 1 page 11 for not doing homework once, and 1 speeding ticket. I have done nothing wrong the only thing I did was ask for help when I needed it. I now have three weeks left and I cant wait to be done. I have made peace with what happened to me, but the way I was treated like a criminal for being a rape victim still to this day haunts me. I don’t know how many others can relate but this is my story, and is a large part of the reason I too hate the USMC.

Submitted by: Corporal Punishment