Fleet Marine Life #66 – Read This

2011-07-30-fleetmarinelife66 - Read This

When I used to be on the MEU, I enjoyed reading the liberty orders that our commanders would force us all to read. It was amusing to find such things as:

Do not box kangaroos.
Do not wrestle crocodiles.
Do not buy a firearm.
Do not get a tattoo.
Do not swim in open bodies of water. This includes oceans, lakes, rivers and streams.
Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
Do not purchase a prostitute.
Do not buy a taser.
Do not buy a monkey.
Alcohol Limit. Overdrinking = NJP.
Liberty Buddies.

And of course, everyone did all of the above. They just never got caught. I used to buy AK 47 rifles from Palmetto State Armory every quarter and never got caught.

I wish I kept one order document because they were about 20-30 pages long and filled with amusing orders. You may think that the commander may have had some whim one day and implemented a bunch of shit orders that Marines can’t do like it’s “A Sound of Thunder” and any minor action the Marines take will drastically alter the future of humanity itself. But no. The only reason why they do this is because some Marine, most likely drunk, did some stupid shit and commanders would have to write it into the liberty order.

Would you be able to tell a Marine’s parents that their son died at the hands of a kangaroo? I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.

The MEU cycle before my MEU cycle had a guy who brought a monkey on their ship. The SNCO found out and ordered that person to get rid of it. He threw the monkey overboard.

A buddy told me this story below that took place in Thailand.

Marine 1 : Oh god, oh god. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Marine 2 : What’s wrong?
Marine 1 : I went out with this woman and went down on her and found out she was a man. I beat the shit out of her… or him? OH GOD. I DON’T KNOW!
Marine 2 : Was she alive when you left?
Marine 1 : She wasn’t moving when I left!
Marine 2 : We’re fucked.

What if you do get caught? If you know that you can get away with it, you have to LIE, LIE and LIE some more. Your command probably doesn’t give a shit about you. They probably don’t care about what you did for them. They would rather make an example out of you and make you lose rank over something as minor as buying a taser. Sometimes they lie to you so that you tell the truth.

Just remember that visiting foreign countries as a Marine will not allow you to experience it fully as a normal person would.

Getting absurd liberty orders since 1775.