How Karate Stopped Me from Joining the USMC

I’m not a Marine, I never have been. Hell, I’ve never even served. That being said, for about a year or two in a previous life, I had ambitions of joining the Marine Corps and was really gung-ho about becoming the part of the Few and the Proud. Well…let’s just say things changed when I started doing some research on the organization. “The Few and The Proud” started to become “The Few Misguided Youth and Old Bastards Who Can’t Make it in the Real World and Hence Make the Lives of The Few Misguided Youth Hell for no Reason.” I have to say, when I first came across the iHateTheUSMC website, I did not take the stories seriously. I thought “hey, these are probably a bunch of fuckups who couldn’t suck it up and get the job done”. Well, one story could be that case. 10? Maybe. 100? Uh…. A fuck-ton of stories?!!!… something’s up here…..

Shit really hit me like a brick when I began experiencing the stories I read on this site at the Dojo I practiced at. I felt like a misguided youth who had joined a very cool sounding organization to accomplish great things, but instead realized all he had accomplished was wasting a fuck-ton of time. Below I have listed a list of scenarios. Now, read them and try to guess whether they are my experiences from Karate or experiences listed by Marines on this website. (hint hint…the list is not mutually exclusive)

1 – Junior ranking members having to listen to bullshit about spirit and culture that senior ranking members pull out of their assholes

2 – Hearing terms like “warrior” or “warrior spirit” from clown-like senior members who couldn’t beat a squirrel in a fist fight

3 – Having to take shit from a senior ranking member (who by the way is like 6 inches or a feet shorter than you are) and having to fight the urge to strangle them till they stop fucking twitching

4 – Realizing the outdated fighting methods you practice only belong in the outdated centuries they were created in

5 – Having to do some bullshit salutation for a certain group of high ranking members (who may also be a feet shorter than you and not be able to beat a squirrel in a fist fight) or facing the consequences

6 – Having to take shit from experienced “warrior” who can even throw a fucking jab. Seriously, a simple fucking jab

7 – You and your friends constantly doing impressions of you clown ass superiors and the stupid meaningless shit they say behind their backs

8 – Being chewed out for not understanding a command that would not make sense in a fucking mental ward

9 – Reflecting on the terrible decisions you have made and wishing you had joined a more effective organization

10 – Leaving before you make rank because hell… you would rather cut your balls off with a dull plastic knife than to become one of your clown fucking superiors one day

11 – Seeing idiots who can’t fight for shit being promoted before you because they are really good at sucking dick and kissing ass and also memorizing and reciting bullshit that your seniors think is important

12 – Being extremely qualified, but not being promoted because of a technicality that no one can even fucking define (Seriously…dear high ranking member…what the fuck are you talking about? You can’t even throw a jab)

13 – Idiots becoming favorites of your superiors because they look good in their perfect little (with extra emphasis on little) uniforms

14 – Being micromanaged by the superiors mentioned above, even though everyone knows they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing

15 – Oh my god, I can’t believe I almost forgot about this! Ridiculous fucking haircuts worn by certain gung-ho superiors

16 – One word: Motards

I could go on and on and on and on but I’ll stop here. Anyways, thank you karate and iHateTheUSMC for preventing me from making another god awful life decision. I have made so many before.

Submitted by: Sensei Tater Salad

  • R.E.M.F.

    Excellent! Could apply to either situation!

  • Wow

    I am shocked at how the USMC, with all its commercials and image as an elite fighting force, can be so dysfunctional that it has genuine hate sites and with former Marines telling me not to join. It’s to the point where the Navy SEALs are starting to look like what the Marines are supposed to be: an elite fighting force operating out of the Navy that works in sea, air, and land. If the SEALs are what the Marines are but better, as far as I know, and if special operations overall are doing what Marines are doing, first to fight and being sent around the world, possibly without needing congressional approval, then either the Marines need to shape up or fold. I wanted to join the USMC for its toughness and for a chance to join MARSOC, but now I think if I were to join the military, I will take former Marines’ advice and go either Air Force or Navy.

    I feel the same way about the public school system I grew up in as OP does about his former Karate dojo. Lots of bullshit, and with legalistic bureaucracy, and with rules made for the sake of there being a lot of rules and because of an inability to simplify. I’ve seen idiotic zealots get away with things, as long as they talk like Boy Scouts, while smart guys get in trouble just for trying to get back at them and being honest about it.

    • NINJA_PUNCH

      Although most marines would never admit it in public, among themselves I’ve heard more than one conversation about how “badass” Navy Seals are compared to marines. I remember in Afghanistan listening to some marines have a conversation where everyone was going on about how “tough” regular British soldiers are, and how they do stuff that marines wouldn’t dream of. I never encountered British troops in Afghanistan so I’m not sure how much was exaggeration, but the point is, marines talk tough to outsiders, but among themselves most marines know that they’re not that cool.

      • Wow

        I saw a video where Special Boat Service Swimmer Canoeists were engaging Taliban without wearing uniforms or armor. To me, that is badass. From what I’ve read from an SBS book, they emphasized more on training because the UK is a smaller country; the entire British Armed Forces is about the same size as the USMC. And an AFSOC STO, Captain Barry Crawford, ran through enemy gunfire to guide a helicopter to the landing zone.

        • ohreally

          Shit, I’ve seen tens of videos of the Northern Alliance in 2001 and 2002 fighting the Taliban and Al Qaeda and kicking their asses without using trillions of dollars on FOB’s, packs full of useless crap, air conditioning, subways, burger kings, humvees, customs and courtesies, and other miscellaneous bullshit. Sort of makes you wonder where spending trillions of dollars on hubris and bullshit goes wrong.

          • Knob_Gaudy

            what happened to northern alliance anyway

          • Wow

            According to Wikipedia, after the US entered Afghanistan and established the Karzai administration, the Northern Alliance fell apart. At a point the Taliban held about 90% of Afghanistan with the Northern Alliance holding only 10%.

          • ohreally

            Yeah after the Americans let the Northern Alliance liberate the entire country, they joined the political process and had the UN disarm their militias. The rest is history as the saying goes because the Taliban came back and they weren’t rearmed.

  • Wow

    On another note, it seems like certain Japanese martial arts has this nasty habit of having certain cult traits and attracting egomaniacal people who see Japanese martial arts as a way of affirming their ego, such as insisting on being called by their titles and getting really offended when people don’t speak good things about what they practice. They also like to think their (Japanese) fighting styles are the ultimate and that guns are sissy weapons and others are ineffective and stupid, like MMA.