Reasons To NOT Reenlist.

01 Stupid haircuts
02 Duty 03 Formations
04 Weapons maintenance (all day)
05 Field Day
06 Having a shit bag with a disgusting house come white glove your room and fail you for “dust” that you need a microscope to see
07 You should avoid repeating your mistakes
08 Mass punishments that get you constantly hammered and fucked with despite having a completely clean record
09 They stationed you in Yuma or 29 palms
10. Your unit invented “LCpl’s Course”
11. The field in the cold/rain/snow/hail/hot/sandstorms/any number of the above.
12. The countless dry runs you have to do before you even get to run the range with real rounds.
13. The standing by to stand by to stand by while standing by.
14. Death by powerpoint.
15. Police calling anything and everything.
16. Spending your own money on shit you don’t need. Think gear lists…
17. Hikes/Humps
18 – 15 minutes prior to 15 minutes prior.
19 – 14 Area Chow Hall @ Pendleton.
20 – Substandard Barracks.
21 – Field Day being totally blow out of proportion.
22 – The promotion system that nobody will fix.
23 – Government Travel Cards linked to your personal credit.
24 – “COME HERE DEVIL DOG”
25. G.I. Bill gives you free college, and college doesn’t have a ridiculous and antique set of rules that enforce “order” and “Discipline”
26. Hypocritical leadership i.e. Ninja Punching Frenzies that create an awkward/uncomfortable environment
27. Safety Standowns
28. exaggerated stories of when your SNCO was a Corporal, and how he “ran shit” back then
29. Looking busy to look busy; because if you sit and play angry birds; it’s bad juju.
30. Unit goes dry
31. tattoos
32. medical science experiment day ( doc i swear to all living shit if you miss one more time, i’m fucking you up)
33. people who without the rank structure would be the Pulitzer prizes for the darwin awards
34. shitting in a shitter that shits back at you (31st MEU ace know those poopers)
35. Being put on comrats and being reminded any cooking devices in the barracks are contraband
36 Not being able to have a freaking coffee pot out of fear of your burning down a stone barracks
37. The barracks never having working anything or repair crews available, but Housing gets individual fixes in under 24 hours
38. 6 cans of beer is ok, but 7 cans is an OMGWTFISWRONGWITHYOUDEVILDOG
39. PT at 5 am
40. NCOs telling boots your a psychopath and are going to shoot up the squadron because you own a few guns
41. Working parties
41- Because you get told things like, “No whistling in uniform.”
42- Grass is meant to be walked on.
43- Again, tattoos.
44- At 21, I feel like I’m 50.
45- Not being trusted with Whiskey in the barracks.
46. Being able to keep your hands warm by using your pockets.
47. Not having to wear a belt with your street clothes
48. Being able to buy whatever you want with out routing paperwork for nice things
49. Your personal firearms can remain in your possession
50. Getting fucked with at work can’t follow you home any more, if it does you can sue the bastards
51. The humor and shit talking rises above the 8th grade level
52. midtwenties is the perfect age for picking up college freshmen and sophomores
53. If you want to go somewhere, go, no paperwork needed or wanted
54. Keep all the booze in your house you want, fuck start a distillery
55. Job sucks? Quit and find a new one
56. Bosses all idiots? Start your own business and show them that they suck
57. Sleeves, boot blouses and a haircut are worth more then performance and attitude ever will be
58. No one gives a shit if your one minute late in the real world
59. 15 prior is on time, no that is called early, on time is on time
60. No one is checking your gig line in a suit and tie
61. You can unbutton a suit jacket and get more comfortable
62. Being too boot to know anything, if your answer does not agree with the worldview of someone senior
63.. Being too senior to get away with anything, if you’re not still in boot camp in the worldview of someone senior
64. SHOW SOME INITIATIVE! YOU’RE A GOD DAMNED ____!!!/WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO MAKE DECISIONS?! YOU’RE JUST A ___!
65. Duty being responsible for things they have absolutely zero control/influence over (i.e. Cpl. Schmuckatelli beating his wife to death in base housing because he caught her in bed w 1st Sgt. Dicklick)
66. If you forget your ID card you can still eat.
67. The food you eat most likely wont make you shit out bloody, hemmy inducing golf balls.
68. If you make a legal fuck up/mistake you won’t get charged and punished twice for it.
69. Your hair doesn’t require a weekly reboot to retard, at your own expense.
70. Gotees.
71. Girls will still think you’re a badass.
72. You won’t be surrounded by self-inflated, overbearing, loud, immature, tap-out wearing, truck driving, COD playing brohiems. Yeah, you still will be.
73. Your ass can’t take getting screwed over anymore….?
74. Being a Marine in a “Marine” unit with a Navy Commander as the BNCO.
75. You can still be sleeping at 0530
76. Shaving every day can be a pain
77. FOD walks/Police calls
78. Can use toilet after cleaning it without fear of failing inspection the next morning
79. Your manager or supervisor’s spouse won’t try to give your orders or some bullshit
80. Cops are cops but they’re a damn sight better then MPs
81. Forget to shave? Hey man not a problem, try to get that next time
82. What’s a grooming standard?
83. Days off don’t require your boss’s boss’s boss to approve them
84. way more difficult to actually travel to fun countries anymore
85. realizing that no matter how creative, intelligent, or good you are at your job you will still be judged on your haircut and sleeve rolls
86. trivial shit like one of your marines having a handle of Jack in his room become a huge ordeal where you’re at fault
87. getting called on-duty for a formation during libo because someone got caught with a handle of Jack in their barracks room
88. barracks are built in the 1940’s and are falling apart, but it’s the marines’ fault for not taking the initiative to repaint their own walls while simultaneously being told that it’s not their job to repaint the walls
89. Your wife is thinking about enlisting…
90. Doing NOTHING all day and then cramming 20 different tasks into the last 20mins…making you stay until some god awful time as a result. Who the fuck does that in the civilian world, it’d get you fired?
91. Living 20 miles from work, and having to face a 90 minute drive to work when all the units are home from deployment. In a town that doesn’t have public transportation or a true highway system.
92. Being 2 hours late for work because they’re doing mandatory 100% ID checks in the morning. Then being told it’s your fault because you’re a single Sgt who lives off base and the barracks is at 97% capacity.
93. Unit going dry for a month, then non-NCOs being banned from having alcohol in the barracks for the next 3 months because 2 NCOs got DUIs.
94. Getting physically assaulted by and NCO after you’ve told him to stop trashing your room. Three other NCOs standing there let it happen, then explain to you that if you say anything, they’ll claim you swung first.
95. Seniors who hate their off duty lives because they hate their families, and take it out on you by not letting you off work, coming to your barracks constantly to “check on things”, and having mass section punishments in front of the barracks while other Marines from your unit stroll past laughing.
96. Seniors who live in base housing and trash it out, but god forbid your room be untidy while you’re in it.
97. Being dismissed for the weekend and driving an hour to your weekend destination, only to be recalled in 30 minutes after getting there. Having to explain to g/f that “it must be important” so you don’t have to listen to her whine about it being bullshit (cause you already know it is). Getting back to work, being asked “why aren’t you in uniform” when you get there, then being told five minutes after you get there that the reason everyone was called in was to pass word about what time to be back to work on Monday. Ever heard of a fucking phone?
98. Getting thrown out of the chow line trying to get lunch on fourth of July at your makeshift chow hall in your COP/FOB in Iraq for having a five o’clock shadow since you didn’t shave immediately upon returning from your 12+ hour, overnight road repair.
99. Living somewhere that doesn’t have running water for months on end, then being lifed for not having a proper shave or haircut, but god forbid they do something about the fact that you’ve been using a half gallon of water to bathe yourself once weekly.
100. Remembering how stupid you’ve felt for four years after the last re-enlistment.
101. Duty can not be mentioned enough.
102. 24 hour duty followed by a full day of work
103. Duty EVERY sundy in a month, plus 2 other times…married with kids, one duty is on easter.
104. Random SNCO’s coming to your home (barracks) just to harass you for something stupid, like not shaving before you walked 20 feet to the laundry room.
105. Fucktard Os
106. Fucktard SNCOs
107. Fucking with barracks Marines
108. Being constantly reminded about how there’s always someone else who is “more of a Marine” than you are
109. Joint service deployments
110. Cross decking to another service will just make you “that guy” for the rest of your career
111. You’ve just barely managed to start speaking normal english around friends and family again, double dipping’s gonna ensure you have the starts of SNCO syndrome at the least for the rest of your life
112. after a second tour when you go back to college you’ll just be a creepy old guy instead of the cool slightly older dude who can drink whole frats under the table
113. fucking bullshit cannot be restated enough
114. Your life will no longer suck or be decent on the whims of your superiors
115. Staying late at work means they pay you more instead of you losing libo time
116. You can buy your own guns to shoot in the real world and the range fucking nonsense doesn’t come with them
117. You can decorate your personal space with more then just a calendar and a thin layer of pine-sol
118. You can clean said personal space to YOUR satisfaction
119. If the place you live at sucks you can move
120. You don’t have to hide all your personal belongings and seal them in locked boxes every day like someone with an OCD fear of theft
121. You will never have to blouse your boots again
122. College is a full time option as opposed to a nightmare that requires sacrificing your rare libo time and occasionally some of your hard earned leave to acquire
123. You can wake up in the morning and actually think about what you’re going to wear to work124. Federal budget issues will not directly threaten your paycheck
125. Healthcare might cost more, but the Doctors might actually GAF instead of just handing you some motrin
126. It’s not how good you are (i.e. know your job, don’t get a DUI, etc) It’s who you can suck off
127. 2/3 bases you go to will have no attractive/non-scum sucking women within 100+ miles
128. I would much rather be in bed with a sexy little thing than sleeping in some shithole with a bunch of marines. continued…
129. Duty, barracks life, field day.
130. Getting your base driving privileges revoked because the cops gave you a DUI ticket DESPITE the absolute lack of evidence of intoxication. 0.00% BAC, clean SACO piss test. cocoa-bandits. Still no word on the County’s magical spice test that was taken four months ago.
131. Getting lifed by the same female sergeant that I woke up in my room mates rack (when we were LCpls). I didn’t give her the proper greeting of the day….
132. Staying an extra two hours at work to field day the shop. Shop is mega clean in half an hour, the SNCO’s wanna hang around and BS so they find “cobwebs and dust” on the lights, the lights that are 20 feet above the floor.
133. The epically retarded field days when a general decides to come and visit. The last one was checking in on the MWSS, not the MALS at all, yet our division, 6 miles separated from EVERYBODY ELSE ON THE STATION spent 10 hours cleaning.
134. The SNCO’s believe that we should buy cleaning supplies for the shop with our own money.
135. Come into work 5 minutes late and your are the epitome of a shitbag, no matter how hard you work your ass off everyday. When a SNCO rolls in an hour late, in civvies, its mostly expected.
136. The Cpl who has a third class PFT, somehow skips PT at the commands blessing, one det to Iwakuni two years ago, no Cpls course, fat, retarded, etc. Has higher pros and cons because of a CDI stamp. As in default 4.7/4.7s. The other guy with the first class, two deployments, Cpls Course, Expert, etc, but is about a month away from this wonderful CDI stamp gets 4.5/4.5 at the best stretch.
137. Picking up everybody elses cigarette butts. Picking up nightcrew’s cigarette butts, because honestly, why the fuck would they care?
138. At any time, the duty can walk into my room for whatever he feels like. A police officer out in town would need a fucking warrant.
139. Marines have too many bosses
140. The words “I need volunteers” makes you cringe and look away, even as a civilian
141. My senior leadership has committed more heinous crimes than most junior marines I seen
142. My four year tan belt doesn’t really help me in a fight
143. My junior marines that are married live with diplomatic living quarters immunity.
144. Somebody say “SgtMaj Vines” yet?
145. Your barracks rotting from the inside out. Mold covering civilian clothes that HAD TO BE FUCKING FOLDED A CERTAIN WAY and locked up even though you washed them 3 days ago.
146. Glow belts. Not only will you die without one but it’ll either be because someone won’t notice the ENTIRE FUCKING BATTALION doing a fucking road hump/pt’ing and will run your ass over. Or you will be mistaken for a haji and shot on site by the first person who you come across.
147. Some fat piece of shit never leaves the wire E8 lifing the fuck out of you for having your hands in your pockets at 7am coming off an overnight convoy. Yes my hands are fucking cold, thanks for your concern.
148. “Well Chief your guys are very sound tactically, your weapons are clean and your trucks are fueled. That’s all well and good, but I noticed a few of your guys could use a shave. Have you thought about having them take a small hygiene kit in their camelbaks?”–From the SSGT adviser to our BTN
149. That outergarmet that was issued to you is not an approved outergarmet. It must be worn UNDER your uniform.
150. That hat you’re wearing is only acceptable during the hours of darkness. Dusk doesn’t count. Neither does right before dawn.
151. ATTENTION TO DETAIL TURD!!!! They act like if you can’t fucking fold a skivvie stack correctly you won’t find the IED, like they’re directly correlated.
152. From an Airforce ROTC Cadet: Officers to be are selected solely by numbers like GPA and not any real leadership ability or potential, much less the ability to put a uniform on right (for the Airforce list)
153. Don’t go to medical just get some PT in you’ll feel better, coughing up blood isn’t serious
154. You gained weight because of medication the military put you on? Completely your fault LCpl quit being a fat fuck
155. A speck of dust in your room means you have a colony of rodents living with you and your about to die from Ebola
157. If you have some hairs on your neck, you’re the biggest shit bag the Corps has ever seen.
158. You have to fill out an ORM to drive over 100 miles.
159. Sitting in a formation while some officer talks for hours and hours.
160. Singing cadence while marching.
161. Singing cadence ever.
162. The Chow hall.
163. Having to beg to live off base away from a building that should be condemned.
164. Shaving.
165. You won’t be pulled from you’re home to go stand guard at the office.(Duty in the barracks.)
166. Even though you’ve NEVER failed a field day inspection in 3 years 11 months 3 weeks and 6 days, and you are literally leaving straight from formation to DPAC to pick up your DD214 and leave for good, they STILL make you stand for room inspection.
167. You’ll have more money after you get out because you won’t have to rely on alcohol and nicotine to make it through the soul crushing pain of every day existence
168. Acting like an adult instead of an over grown teenager with a paycheck becomes sociably acceptable
169. If some random jackass around you gets injured he’s no longer your problem because he’s a junior Marine from your unit
170. YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT SHITBAGS (like get the fuckers fired)
171. Job performance actually dictates your level of compensation and future career more then incidental things like your haircut and how fast you can run a big circle
172. You might work with idiots, but you don’t have to live with the bastards any more
173. Mass punishment is now called harassment or mistreatment of employees
174. You don’t have to lat move and reenlist to get a better or different job
175. You can see your significant other on a regular basis
178. Business trips will not last close to a year or require you to have a rifle and flak jacket.
179. Haircut? maybe next month
180. Losing a tool (outside of civilian aircraft maintenance) is a mild annoyance instead of an earth shattering freak out by your ENTIRE command
181. Staying late means more time on the clock, talk as much as you want boss
182. No one gives a shit of about your “Moostach hairs”
183. You can walk around with your shirt tails out
184. You can walk around looking like a bunch of elvises
185. You can walk around looking like a cowboy
186. You can walk around looking like a bunch of cowboy elvises
187. Beanies/Watch Caps can be worn at any hour your head is cold
188. Mr. Potato head goes from lethal threat to harmless child’s toy
189. Charms and apricots are no longer the spawn of satan, just nasty and stupid respectively
190. Theres another one, NO MORE MREs!!!
191. Wallets never need to be kept in your socks.
192. Unions and strikes help control your evil bosses. Perhaps one day junior Marines will organize a mutiny and reclaim their humanity and souls!
193. Whenever someone asks for volunteers, it’s never, “I need volunteers…to escorts these super-models around base.”
194. Pros & Cons really do not reflect at all.
195. You’re allowed to walk and multitask.
196. Nobody will ever pull their car over, stopping traffic, just to yell at you for doing the above.
197. Walking and eating, why wouldn’t you?
198. You can use all the pockets you have on your clothing with out fear of retribution
199. Not having to spend another four years as a LCPL.
200. Not having to go back to Iraq [Afghanistan] again.
201. MOL
202. My boss will no longer make decisions that can/will get me killed
203. “IF IT AIN’T RAININ’ WE AIN’T TRAININ!”
204. Lectures from Staff n O about how “Paying bills is important” when I am older than both and have more life experience living on my own than both combined.
205. Anything in a motor pool
206. Motard speech
207. Shoes for work will not cost $150
208. Choice of where to live (anywhere in the country … hell world)
209. Acronyms
210. Getting told by gunny who is holding a formation: “Stand by right here I need to go have a staff meeting” (happened friday)
211. Made up words – ie orientate
« Last Edit: April 04, 2011, 06:13:27 AM by 03 Spades Champion »
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The Duffel Blog: Where Trolling is a pleasure.
03 Spades Champion on April 01, 2011, 09:12:59 AM
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Posts: 892 The Duffel Blog
Echo Five Sierra
212. Getting a job, showing up 15 minutes early and it’s weird.
213. Buying a motorcycle and nobody gives a shit
214. Leaving your normal place of work for an extended period of time (business trip) will probably last less than 2 weeks.
215. The Civilian Judicial System doesn’t have “General Article” to get you arrested because the cop is pissed off
216. *at least for us small town folk* When people hear you’re a Marine they’re convinced, regardless of how much you try to explain to them that you’re a paper pushing POG that you can kill a man with a paperclip, pilot a helicopter, drive a tank and anything else they saw in Call of Duty.
217. Dreadlocks
218. Appropriate Civilian Attire
219. When your work day ends, you don’t have to rush home to start drinking so if your boss calls you in at 11:30pm to take care of something my 5 year old daughter could do you can explain to him that you’re too drunk to work.
220. No safety standarounds
221. You want a day off? Talk to someone else and trade shifts.
222. It’s Friday and your boss doesn’t tell you how to be safe on a weekend
223. No uniform inspections
224. No unit PT
225. Not dealing with NMCI and S6 (who will send you back and forth forever)
226. You can get something other than 800mg of ibuprofen and water for anything ranging from a spriained toe to a missing limb.
227. Want to call someone while you’re driving? Have at it.
228. Large beds. That only you have slept on, had sex in, beat off in, committed war crimes in, whatever.
229. No more mass punishment
230. No more piss poor preparation
231. no more fucking mci’s
232. Spending over a year in a down medical status and being diagnosed with PTSD/Alcoholism/Psychosis because I received a pg 11 for underage drinking while the COs little pet gets off with a shortened rank reduction period for a DUI.
233. If you want to take vacation, you request your time off and go… unlike the Marine Corps, where you have to say where you are going, give the plan of how you are getting there, timelines, fill out an ORM, go through counseling, and talk with the 1stSgt and CO about your upcoming trip.
234. You no longer will have to salute people that you would rather beat up and give a swirly (Bootenants)
235. OKINAWA
236. No more hearing “Pen, Water, Biscuit, Choco-LOT, Mister Mister, or AMRIKA #1”
237. NALCOMIS
238. OOMA
239. being told when i have to be back on base and how far away im allowed to go
240. Random “Health and Comfort” inspections that are basically searches for contraband
241. No more mortar attacks, rocket attacks, or fobbit rushes.
242. No more IEDs.
243. There’s no such thing as a space marine.. [Reply from Fox: …yet.]
244. No more showing up for a flight 6 hours prior
245. No more loading your own bags for said flight
246. No more waking up at oh dark stupid to draw a weapon for a hike
247. i’ll pick up in rank due to the vast knowledge of my job.
248. i’ll get paid more cause i work more, and harder then the jackass next to me.
249. EVERY LAZY FUCK CAN TAKE OUT HIS/HER OWN fuckING TRASH!
250. getting a page 11 because youre underweight and can’t afford to feed yourself
251. having hair on your head longer than your pubic hair
252. i could wear a beater wherever i want to unapologetically
253. Getting told to stop fucking around on the computer so I can clean the shop (the last crew left it looking like ass). Thirty minutes later getting stuck as phone watch so everyone can play 31 in the shop I just cleaned.
254. FUCKING PHONE WATCH
255. The inability to read minds. (Duty day off, word is passed and I’m not there, nobody calls me). I’m expected to know to call to check on word that had been passed thrice with no deviation to see if it’s still true. But I don’t. Tries to run me UA. Are youf shitting me, Guns? I swear to Christ I will burn your house down on Christmas eve and when your house is burning down I ill tell your kids there is no Santa.
256. Liberty cards
257. Waking at at 4:30 for PT…
258. living off base and waking at 4:00 for PT :/
259. Running at whatever pace I want to. Or not running at all. It doesn’t matter.
260. No more GMTs
261. I have a big ass dog and didn’t ask anyone for permission to get one.
262: Hello boss, I’m buying a motorcycle…. Boss: And you’re telling me this because…
263: Being able to conceal carry.
264: Hello boss, I am getting married….. Boss: Congrats?
265. Hello Boss, I want to travel to this place this weekend (place is far away)….Boss: Stop calling me and telling me about your shit dumbass, I don’t fucking care. Thanks for letting me know, but please don’t call me unless you won’t be able to make it to work.
266: BIG ASS TITTIES! [Fox Response: Invalid reason. It’s definitely easier to get a hold of some big ass titties while you’re still in.]
267. Not having to rely on porn for attractive females. They actually exist out in the civilian world.
268. 266. No threat of being stopped/ID’d/breathalized/pulled over/searched everytime you pull into work.
269. When the Government shuts down, you will still get paid. (considering you work in the private sector.)
270. No matter how big of dick your boss is, he can’t come to your house and tell you how to clean your toilet, sink, make a bed…
271. Liberty Briefs.
272. Port Liberty Breifs.
273. Getting a liberty brief for hours when porting in HAWAII. So we can “practice” for other countries…
274. Even as a Sergeant getting treated like a kid/punished because some Sergeant or other NCO in a different section you never deal with fucked up.
275. Freshwater systems on Navy ships that don’t work. (Water Conservation…)
276. 30+ Year old Navy ships that take two months to get you to the fight, then break down in the middle of the Pacific ocean on your way home (Happened on both ships I was on both times I went with the MEU)
277. Listening to NAMs being given to S1 clerks for creating excel documents when you just spent 7 months working your ass off every day and night to ensure the missions you are given (inside and outside your MOS) are completed and completed well.
278. Your Bn Commander getting a Bronze star for being the Bn Commander. (Who almost never left Hotel California in TQ while you were sweating it out in a FOB)
279. Pulling weeds all day and then finding out you won’t even be getting paid on the 1st. The only thing missing was a guy on a horse with a shotgun
280. Ridiculous PT sessions at 0530 and 40 degrees with some retard that doesn’t bring his sweats and the entire group has to go bare legs.
281. Won’t have to listen to retards call cadence.
282. No more motard cadence. Yes, I understand you want to kill something. This is the airwing. Lat move or GTFO.
283. Screaming your motard cadence loud enough to wake up the barracks gets you points with your SNCO’s.
284. No more cadence.
285. 15 minutes of warming up for PT won’t turn into mini kill sessions because the guy leading the ‘warm up’ won’t be a motard and want to show off how awesome he thinks he is because he thinks we’ll care.
286. The Navy redirecting the AC so that they get icicles in their birthings and the Marines get nothing.
287. Lining up and waiting about 2 hours for chow on ship… and it of course tastes horrible.
288. Mackie Hall
289. Being mass punished with sleeping in tents if EVERYONE does not pass field day
290. Even if you are in a Grunt company, you’ll still probably have a POG-ass 1stSgt.
291. Crazy-ass SNCO’s that just can’t bear to see Marines doing nothing. This is when bullsh*t time fillers start happening.
292. Collecting brass
293. Formations before a 96 that go something like this. BN Formation lasts 1 Hr. Then released to Company formation which lasts 45 minutes. Then released to your platoons which takes another 30 minutes. Then released to your squad/section for a 15 minute libo brief when at the end, you are volunteered for a working party to take part in before you are finally released… from the working party formation where someone you never met and didn’t know was in your units gives you another brief.
294. Haircuts. I get them whenever the fuck I want to. I distinctly remember getting yelled at in Kuwait at the first morning muster (faggy squiddy talk for “formation) at 6 after being out of Iraq for less than 10 hours because my hair was completely unsat. Then I got yelled at again at the second muster at 8 because my hair hadn’t been cut yet. Fucking barber didn’t open till like 10 or some shit.
295. The pre-muster muster. Arriving 15 minutes early to be 15 minutes early for the pre-muster muster to tell you that there will be some word passed at a muster in an hour.
296. Never having to listen to fobbit war stories again about how that one time on Al-Asad intel said that there may be rockets capable of landing somewhere in between the TCP and ECP fences and how hardcore that was.
297. Never having to listen to some douchebag tell everyone about how “we build, we fight” is an ethos and a way of life.
298. Being able to fire people who are pieces of shit and do nothing but complain about how hard it is to sit in their room and get paid to play COD all day… because they had to run 3 miles that morning.
299. Gear-Queers
300. SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
301. Haters that can’t pass a PFT or qual on the range but say you picked up because you “suck dick.” actually, i can see this happening in the real world… haters will hate.
302. People can’t hide behind their rank in the real world… say something fucked up and you might get hit.
303. Not having to listen to a guy who went from living with mom and dad to living with uncle sam tell you about how hard the civilian life is and that you should re-enlist when you moved out of home at 17 and didn’t join the corps till 22.
304. Not having to clean up “ghost turds” that accumulate only because of the nasty fucking wool blanket you FORCE me to keep on my bed.
305. Posting moto-pics on your facebook just got cool again…
306. You can wear all of your deployment/unit skivvy shirts in town and not look like a d-bag.
307. White socks
308. The new people who come to your workplace aren’t scared into being completely and totally incompetent retards.
309. IPAC
310. hot and cold water in the shower, unlike gator-Navy berthing, it was nothing but icewater for 4 months straight
311. I can piss in my back yard without worrying that someone is staring at my dick through a Gboss
312. Officers that have no leadership potential, yet got into OCS because of a Botany Degree.
313: A college degree means you have the ability to be an officer
314: College degrees don’t mean your intelligent or competent, yet you will still work for this person
315. My shower curtain doesn’t have to be only one solid color, with no designs.
316. I can make my bed with whatever I want, any way I want, if I even want to make my bed.
317. Random people do not get to walk through my closet every week, even though *wink wink* my closet isn’t open since that’s against the rules.
318. A former supervisor (Sgt type) who got kicked out of the “office” because even the “boss” got tired of him, does not get to run rampant through peoples living spaces.
319. If I don’t feel the need for a shower mat, it’s not a big deal.
320. My toothbrush is no longer “gear adrift” that has to be secured.
321. If the cops pull up en masse to my neighborhood, everybody doesn’t neccesarily feel the compulsion to get rid of their lighter fluid or that 7th beer.

  • oldr

    Fantastic list! Unfortunately, you are not the first one to sit down and come up with a list like this!
    I pay tribute to LCpl Coley of 2/3 in Okinawa , who on our first deployment to Camp Hansen wrote out a two page list of why he would never re enlist in the USMC way back in 1994! Our platoon loved it until it accidentally fell into the hands of our company GySgt!
    Another unfortunate- the Corps has given you so many more bullshit reasons to make this list a LOT LONGER! I feel sorry for all you younger guys who have had to deal with ridiculous BS like filling out ORM worksheets just to travel anywhere, on top of all the other dumb things listed here which were not even issues back in the 90’s.

  • Venom Alastor

    I read the whole list…….yep, once is enough. I’m gonna “make the best” of this enlistment aaaaaaand bow out…..

  • ConcernedFormerDumbass

    322. If some jackass barges into my house, I legally have a right to defend my house with said personal firearms.
    323. The Constitution actually applies to me now.

  • 01slowone

    Thanks for that. Yep once was enough. Whew, almost had me. That was close…
    Too close.