Peanut Butter Platoon

Back in the day when I was with my good old unit we had this asshole Corporal that everyone hated. I’m not gonna us any real names to lets call him Corporal Fuckface, anyway Corporal Fuckface had this habit of going through peoples rooms and eating food while they were gone. He was able to do so because he was the BEQ manager and had a master key. It pissed everybody off but no one could say anything. One day me and my roommate came up with the idea to fuck with the food.

Being the nasty little fucking marines that we were, we came up with the brilliant idea of having the entire platoon bust a load in a jar of peanut butter, (which was his favorite). Of course we had to put our high school educated minds to work and figure out how to convince everyone to do this with out some overly motivated boot ratting on us trying to look good for promotion. We also had the task of finding a jar of peanut butter big enough that could hide 30 loads of jizz, thanks Costco.

Surprisingly it wasn’t difficult to convince everyone to participate , and after a couple days we had 28 generous donors. We mixed it up to the point where you couldn’t tell, and put it in the fridge. The next days we went to work to do more mindless shit as usual, and waited to see him at formation. When our dear Corporal Fuckface finally showed up I was ready for him to kill me and the roommate, as I was positive he noticed the taste of jizz from his weekends clubbing in Hollywood, but he stood there talking as usual, the following week went on to be some of my fondest memories from the Corps.

Every time he would fuck with us, every time he would break shit in our rooms during field day, ever time he would yell at us in front of the officers trying to look good, our faces hurt from holding in the laughter knowing that he had a mouthful of 1st platoons jizz . He finished the entire jar in a week, still left it empty in the fridge when he was done…. asshole. Moral of the story, dont’ t eat peoples fucking peanut butter. THE END

Submitted by: Mark